With Eyes Wide Shut - Comments

l666 (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 28
Location:: France

@ WishingOnDeadStars
Absolutely!

October 19th, 2013 at 10:23pm

Johnny Ringo (100)

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Gender:: ♀
Age:: 27
Location:: Antarctica

@ vaduva.
Good wow right?

October 19th, 2013 at 03:29pm

l666 (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 28
Location:: France

Wow.

October 19th, 2013 at 06:16am

Johnny Ringo (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 27
Location:: Antarctica

@ TaraJanee
Oh my God, thank you so much for the comment.

I'm so glad you liked it. And yes, it was a purposed irony that he sows their eyes shut. It's to sort of show them their initial foolishness, and then he uses it as a punishment almost... but again, thank you very much!

June 27th, 2013 at 10:23pm

Oldjane (150)

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Age:: 31
Location:: Australia

I immediately fell in love with the layout the first time I laid eyes on it. The colours you’ve mixed together are exactly something that I would do, just enough of that little scarlet colour to give it some eerie life. I just adore layouts like this, with the lone picture and the simple boxed text. It’s beautiful, especially the picture. I can’t stop looking at her, and the pretty flowers, wondering if she’s really a victim or not.

The way that you’ve written this is strange and interesting. You use wonderful imagery in your descriptive writing, but it’s done in a way that is very direct and to the point. It’s a charming style, to say the least, and it makes me just breeze over everything very easily. The sentences flow nicely together, blending in the right amount of description and vagueness that you need. It’s interesting to read, and it makes me want to read more and more. Especially in lines like, “Nobody really went back there, so nobody really knew that he did it.” That’s so casual and it’s so descriptive at the same time. You give the readers just enough information to assume that this guy is mysterious, but nobody really knows too much about him to judge.

The characters are very down to earth, and I can imagine their reactions to be perfect allusions to reality. Liam reminds me of a child Norman Bates or Dexter, who is a bit suave and secluded, but he hides such a major factor about himself. When you say, “Liam was the perfect example of insanity.” That says a lot about his character I think, that he’s a good hider, to just shade something like that easily. He’s careful. He’s precise. And even though he’s probably mentally unstable, he’s smart enough to know how to act stable. I can tell as the chapters go by that you’re slowly revealing more of Liam’s mind. You reveal his insanity as it unfolds itself. We find more about his victims, and we find more about his mental state. It gets crazier and crazier as it goes along, and I think that was a clever way to keep your readers engaged.

Also, it’s amazing how you describe that he was infected with insanity. Like it was just waiting dormant in an event for him to catch, rather than him having some chemical imbalance since he was born. An infection is such a good way to describe it, I’ve never heard of that before, and I’m a psych student. So I love that you created that little amount of uniqueness. It’s interesting to me. Loving the characters of the story is a massive part about loving a story. And I loved these characters. I can tell you planned them in a very thoughtful and clever way. That tells me you’re a wonderful writer.

It’s definitely creepy that he sews their eyes shut. There’s something very creepster about that. It also made me wonder about that a bit, whether his victims were more hurt by his betrayal or their own eyes. I guess it’s sort of ironic, seeing as they were blind to his true selves, and now they’re actually blind. It’s a little signature that he leaved which I think gives the story a freaky sense of realism. And the way that you ended it, just the simple matter of fact sentence. “The game is back on.” Ah, that was like a cherry on top of a mudcake.

Excellent writing, I definitely enjoyed reading this. It’s something I would actually seek out to read. Anyway, good luck for the competition. Thank you for entering!!

June 27th, 2013 at 05:38am