The Gifted Star - Comments

Your story is amazing. The layout and display image alone drew me to the chapters immediately. The genre you chose was also very good for this type of story. I hope to see much more this! :D Good job and great work.

Your story is amazing. The layout and display image alone drew me to the chapters immediately. The genre you chose was also very good for this type of story. I hope to see much more this! :D Good job and great work.

This is really interesting. I only have read the prologue, but I will continue to read the rest. Some comments: I think the whole 'the Woman' and 'the Man' thing is really unsettling. Like, I think you are trying to make a point of something, obviously they aren't regular people, but then I think you should get rid of the 'the'. It just feels... wrong. You know? I love, love, love these kinds of stories though. Especially when they begin with death and destruction. Not to mention the hopelessness of the cliff hanger at the end. Priceless. Looking at the other comments and when they were posted.. Have you not updated this in a while? Get to it, girl!! You have to write every day. Even if what you are writing is crap, you have to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys, whatever floats your boat)! I find I write best when I have a million other things to do, but that's just me. The busier I am the more productive. Unfortunately, that doesn't always work out the best for all aspects of my life... Ahem, school... I'll be keeping an eye on this. If you ever need an honest opinion on something specific, pm me, yeah?

Your style of writing is pretty interesting. The flow hits some rocks, like a stream, but it works well. The story, and the world, are incredibly layered for a Mibba story. This is worth it, and I will definitely Recommend it to people who like this kind of writing!

Hey! I like this! I like your style of writing, and I can tell that you've thought the story through. At first I was a little confused on what kind of time period it was in, but that didn't last long. You describe everything very well, and I like that you don't go overboard. This is a very unique story and I love LOVE LOOOVEE IT!! Keep writing!

Just something real quick, you forgot a space (or accidentally hit enter) after the first sentence of the prologue. Also, man and woman don't need to be capitalized unless those are actually pronouns. God, I'm such a grammar Nazi x/ And then everyone else is saying you're missing commas but not telling you where which is kind of annoying. Also, to the commenter below me, it's set in the present but is being described in past tense, as published works usually do. A beta would probably do this story good, however.

I'm sorry again, it sucks to have something you've written completely picked apart unless you've asked for the help. I did like this, and the amount of description you've used, anyone who says otherwise hasn't read any J.R.R. Tolkien novels.

Anyways! Finally on to commenting on the story itself, I think its wonderful that you're rewriting some of your older work and growing. That always seems to be the hardest part for me because it just seems to take forever. I like that you haven't rushed straight into any major plot twists (though the prelude was a bit mysterious), and the time you've taken to put together Estella's character and her city and the people she knows.

I spent the second chapter trying to work out a time. It felt like the past but it also seems really present.
I think you should read the story out loud to yourself. Your missing a number of commas and it just breaks up the beautiful flow your story has

I can't help but think this is going to be really fun - I've always been in love with the fantasy genre, so I'm hoping that I've finally found a story on Mibba which will fulfill my fantasy lust!

I enjoy your descriptions, which paint an excellent view of what you want us to see. I can picture scattered Greenwater, and an olive-skinned girl running around desperately.

One thing you might need to work on is the balance. Quite often, the sentences don't feel right, or come across as pretty rocky/choppy. In other places, a comma or two might be required, but you overlooked it. Going back and editing those things might help.

I really can't wait to read more. (: I've subscribed, and I hope you update soon!

I really like the story. For a moment I end up a bit jarred by the large paragraphs, but all and all it's actually really good! I definitely like her name and the correlation between the title :)

Here from comment swap!

I have to say, I really enjoyed this! From the beginning I was certainly drawn in! And the layout is a perfect fit! You're writing skills are really good, and I see this story developing very well. Over all good job!