The Doctor Meets a New Nightmare - Comments

I think you captured all the charcters beautifully, but it needs more I think! Too short for me, but it was good :)

I think you did well in writing all the characters and I'm glad you had it as the Doctor being the one with the adventure. But I don't really think he had much of an adventure. He simply walked into the forest, talked to them and left. Came back, talked to them and left again. Nothing really happened. While I like your writing style in some points it's just too blunt. In the first chapter a lot of paragraphs read like 'he opened the door. then he shut the door. he turned around. he smiled." it has no flow to it. I found a lot of spelling and grammatical errors as well.

Pushing all that aside I did enjoy this. I think you write well, you kept everyone in character. My biggest issue though is what's stated above. Also, you keep giving characters names before they're actually introduced. While it's third person you switch too often without any breaks. Like when Jack is introduced, we know his name before the doctor even knows it as well as when you introduce Amy.

I like the idea of the Doctor only being able to enter Halloween Town through the trees. Because that's kind of like Jack's doors to other worlds and the TARDIS would be a major door to another world. I feel like it would've been a bit more realistic if instead of landing in the center of the town he was only able to arrive through that door--which would've given him a bit more adventure time to explore the forest and cemetery on his way to find Jack.

And the whole bit with the Doctor randomly inviting Jack with him without even knowing this person's personality seemed a bit out of character. I also think that he let them reject him too quickly. It is a time machine after all. He could've mentioned that and had them back at the exact moment they left so nothing would go wrong in town.

But otherwise, I enjoyed reading this. :) Thanks for entering my contest!

When I saw this contest go up, I was really excited as a reader (also as a huge fan of Doctor Who and fairytales), so it was only understandable that I lurked around waiting for someone to post. When I saw this go up, I was really excited. And what was more so, this was really incredibly. I've only seen a few episodes with the 11th Doctor (I'm still at the beginning); I could see Matt Smith's excited face the whole time. I could feel his grin. I also enjoyed the scene with Sally, Shock, Lock, and Barrel. I felt that it lessened it from being completely about the Doctor and his new land, but also included Halloween Town. Lastly, I also liked how you included Sally's speech, saying "cannot" instead of "can't." It might seem irrelevant, but I found it to be really important. I didn't see any errors and I'm a huge fan of the layout; of it all, really. Good luck in the contest!

From the picture, I thought it was Slenderman for a moment!