Penny Pitching - Comments

@ RunningRampant

@ On Angel's Wings

Thanks, as I work on the next chapter and so on, I'll try and remember. More description. But glad you liked it.

I really like this, it flows pretty well and apart from a couple of mistakes it's well written ...

The only thing I would say is try to work a little on your description, there pretty good as they are but I dunno it might just be me because I love description!

Anyway now that I've rambled on I like it lol :)

You deserve a comment. 'Cause you're awesome. Pfft yeah. And then maybe this will encourage other people to comment. PEOPLE DO YOU SEE THIS?! THAT MEANS YOU!

Anyway, I didn't like this paragraph:

He lowers his head, nodding. He holds out his hand behind him and Zane walks forward taking it. He then leads Zane and the rest of the humans past Madison and Justin. He also glances slightly at the pitch-black wolf that is circling Justin, Nicolai.

You start literally every sentence out with 'He'. It bugs me. I didn't notice it yesterday, but yeah, you should change it.

Also, me thinks it's kind of weird that they sit down in the shade and then notice the barn. Because if you're in the middle of an apocalypse, you're going to keep your mind in overdrive looking for threats or opportunities for water and shelter, so he probably would notice it as soon as possible. I dunno, just a thought.

Andddd the other thing that kind of annoys me is that you switch from present to past tense constantly, most notably in the last five or six paragraphs.

Other than that, I like it. You really branched off from my chapter and I especially like Tomassetti's interactions with Zane.

nowyoushouldgocommentonmine.