May 30th, 2013 at 06:06am
I came across this story, and the idea is really good but let me give some advice.
Your idea is fine and intriguing but all the grammar mistakes are distracting and making the story difficult to read. Every word in your title should be capitalized. "Touching Them". Also, every word in the beginning of a sentence should be capitalized and if you have "I" alone, (for example: I am fifteen years old) then that should be capitalized. Yours are all lower-case. Some apostrophes are missing too. In the first chapter you have, "tomorrows school." It should be, "tomorrow's school." And the "ill probably be..." should be, "I'll". That's just a few examples. Some of your sentences should also be divided with periods instead of commas. There are also a lot of misspellings. There's one part where you say, "I hoped on..." when it should be "hopped".
I was going to say something about the "then" and "than" thing, but I read your author's note in chapter three so never mind. :)
One more thing: It's easier on the eyes to make a new paragraph every time someone speaks. You have entire conversations clumped in one paragraph and it starts to get really confusing.
I hope this was helpful. I think this story does really have a lot of potential. The idea of is nice and different compared to some of the other stories I've read on here. After some editing, it'll be perfect. :) I'm excited to see where this goes. Good luck!
Thank you, i know. im not the best speller, but i love to write. how ironic is that? but blame my computer a bit, cuz i use auto correct and it doesn't show up. lol, but ya thanks it does help. and i guess im used to Microsoft word. they cap the beginning of sentences for me lol.