the format is a bit dodgy, and you need to start each paragraph on a new line to fix that, but otherwise it was easy to read and it has a good concept so far. A bit more detail would be nice. And If you could give us now and then peaks into what Kyler went through it may help us feel a bit more sorry for the characters. You should develop the personalities a bit too, because right now the characters are bland and don't breath. As they are, they are just words on paper, well the screen, but with a bit of developing I believe they may capture your readers.
What? You asked for suggestions. hehehe. I can't wait to read more. C:
May 25th, 2013 at 02:20am
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