This Love Was Out of Control - Comments

Summary:
I love how simplistic the summary is. It doesn't give much away and I really appreciate that, honestly. I'm excited to start the story and see what it holds.

Chapter One:
I love how meaningful this chapter is despite it being so short. The emotion in it was so strong and really packed a punch, in my opinion. I can't wait to see where this is going!

Chapter Two:
While I really liked the opening to this chapter and how it flowed, the sex scene was really choppy and honestly hard to read. I did enjoy your descriptions but there were times where you moved much too fast and other times where you went pretty slow. Plus, I feel like the sex scene could've waited. The readers don't know much on Rita, so more information on her would've been awesome before a smutty scene.

I do think this story has a lot of potential, but it does have a lot of mistakes throughout it that need to be looked over, plus the flow of the story makes it hard to get into. However, I do like the descriptions you used when describing things, so that was a nice surprise.

I'm currently at chapter 7, and I'm super excited about the turn it has taken! I've seen this story around before, just haven't put the time aside to read it, up until now. I want to say first off, I love the summary. It is a nice little bit that makes the reader wonder what could go wrong in their relationship, and I'm still reading to find out.
I like that Rita is a tour manager and has her own thing going. In most fanfictions, the girlfriend stays home the entire time and sulks, or is always on tour, so this is a cool alternative. I'm excited to read about her experience on the tour. Great writing! I'm excited to keep reading. Awesome work.

I could have sworn I read and commented on this before but apparently I didn't

I've only read the first two chapters, but this seems like it'll be interesting. I liked how you did the timing between the first and second chapter, you could see that they were a happy couple and then in just two weeks everything fell apart. I also liked that you started off with conflict, it got me hooked and really wanting to know more about what's going on with them.

The only thing I'd be careful of is sometimes your sentences sound repetitive, just because of the way you word things. You sometimes describe something alone and then describe your character doing the same thing, which gets choppy and is necessary.

Otherwise, good job!

omg she seriously did that? aaaaarghhhh. i love this! post soon xx

This is great! I can't wait to read more c:

Haha my friend is like obsessed with them.! I'm barely getting into them(I know I'm late D: but better late then never!)
Oh lol awesome! (: okay

@ Cloud-heart
Awesome! I love ATL :) You get a part in the story, I'll tell you what you need to message me later on.

"What’s making you leave me and 'why play these sick little games'?" sick little games-ATL I don't really listen to them but my friend literally showed me this song like a week ago.

@ Cloud-heart
Me too! :) I couldn't resist putting it in there... but there's a All Time Low quote in there too...

"' just stay here forever with me'!” Vic yells to me," If I am James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn.
- sws
Lol right when i read it I started singing the song.

You should write more!

It doesn't seem bad, but it's honestly too short to tell! I'd like to see more :)