Stockholm Syndrome: Be Mine - Comments

pixiewayro (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 32
Location:: South Africa

Oooohh this is soooo good!!!! Damn! I want more!!!! I really love it, and I hope you'll continue it...

P.S. I loved this: Gerard just wore what he usually wore: tight, black everything.

July 7th, 2014 at 11:28pm

dystopianobsession (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 26
Location:: United States

I really like this story, you're a great writer. The only thing that confused me was the flip flop between character's POV's, but I understand more now. I'm excited for more, you've got a good talent !

July 30th, 2013 at 06:34am

poison and blood (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 27
Location:: United States

Comment Swap:

Honestly, I love MCR, but I've never been attracted to Gerard Way in the slightest, despite the fact that a lot of people think he and Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day (my favorite person...EVER) are much alike--So it was hard for me to really get hooked on the story at first.
Here's the deal...as I read on, the potential grew, but the writing style could use much improvement.
One thing I can think of is ITALICIZE THOUGHTS!
Always when writing in the third person. The words being thought must have a distinct change from the narrative.
And unlike our friend down below, I loved the nature of your first chapter! Creepy is good! I'm generally very dark and creepy in my writing (as can be seen in two pieces I have up right now...very sinister and seductive characters) so I can really appreciate your idea.
Perhaps the true turn off for me was the over-used vampire/Gerard concept.
But all this doesn't mean I totally disliked your story! (: I would love to see more of this.
Keep it up, you've got potential!
I know I can be critical, so try and take my words in to mind, but not to heart! I hate to offend a talented writer! You've got it in you!

June 27th, 2013 at 08:50am

Maddi; (6100)

:: ಠ_ಠ
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 32
Location:: United States

Okay, the first chapter really creeped me out! I can't believe he was watching her change. And the way he was doing it was just so creepy, especially the bit about the "naughty mommy". It made me cringe! I thought it was really confusing how you flipped between one character in the first chapter and then another in the next. I had to read through a few times to figure out what was going on and I still don't really get it. I think you could really benefit from adding something small about the character switch to make it less confusing. Other than that, great story!

June 27th, 2013 at 07:15am