Perry - Comments

I’m here to judge for the ‘Original Fiction M/M Contest’.

I don’t actually know if this was meant to be romantic or highlight the problems of a destructive and unhealthy relationship. It’s hard to tell when the problems aren’t addressed within the narrative as harmful instead of romanticized, especially in a first person perspective, so I don’t actually think the narrator is aware of the problems. In a narrative as personal as first person, it makes it come off as romanticizing and that’s extremely problematic. So I don’t know whether I should comment on this in the mindset that it was your goal to make me uncomfortable and worried, or it was your goal to make it seem more romantic than it actually was.

I mean, the opener itself was questionable and didn’t really set a positive vibe for the rest of the story. Just the name was enough to bring a smile to my face. He was my only true reason for living. He had tried to kill me, destroy me completely… but I had shown him nothing less than love. I think a lot of the problem was that even though the narrator was clearly romanticizing Perry to the very end, he (as in the narrator) didn’t show any hesitancy or reluctance to fall into Perry. Nothing Perry did was problematic to him nor was it ever implied. In fact, the narrator defended Perry and justified his actions? And like I said, in a first person narrative where none of these things are addressed as detrimental, it’s off-putting and worrisome.

On top of this, as nice and descriptive as your prose was, the narrator was all over the place. The transitions between emotions and thoughts were so choppy that I had no idea where you were going or how I should feel. I ended up being angry towards Perry and even towards the narrator for not seeing the problem in their “relationship”—if you could even call it that. There was no solid ground for me to stand on because everything just felt really rough.

I like how I could feel the emotion of both characters. Although I won't ever understand why the narrator took Perry back. But I like that he did take him back and forgive him for what he did and that Perry doesn't want him to put out his best for him.

This was great, the emotion was strong and it flowed well. I think you captured every awesomely and I feel sorry for your main character! Good job!

This was rather heartbreaking, in all honesty. I feel so bad for the main character and his relationship that seems to be the only thing keeping him going. Sad times :(

The guy in your banner picture is really really pretty. I keep getting distracted when I'm trying to read, haha!

Anyway, onto the story itself. It really is calm and beautiful, but in a heartbreaking sort of way. It's a shame that the narrator only has Perry, and that Perry doesn't treat him as well as he should. It seems like a really destructive relationship that they have, or at least from my point of view. I almost wish that the narrator and Perry weren't together, because I have a feeling that in the end, the narrator will be the one with the broken heart and that pains me so much.

I'll be announcing the winners later on tonight, so good luck!

I literally feel so bad for your main character. I think you did a great job with Perry's character and you portrayed him just the way I imagined him in my little brain haha. I really enjoyed reading your story even though I wish Perry was nicer to the narrator! Overall, great job dear, and thank you so much for entering my contest. The winners will be announced very soon =]

I liked this a lot. Your story related to the quote fantastically and you wrote it so well. I think plenty of people can relate to being so head over heels for somebody that they'll let them act/treat them badly. Perry needs to get rid of the girl completely, if you ask me, haha.

Altogether, I really enjoyed reading this!