Flirting With Temptation - Comments

I really don't know what to say about this story. It felt as if it was jumping all over the place and I couldn't quite twig on to what the actual plot was supposed to be. Or was it just her taking drugs? I mean, I understand that the drugs played a huge part but it didn't feel like it was the plot. She gets a job in the first chapter then the rest are filled with her either drinking, taking drugs or both, with no more mention of the job which leaves me to wonder what exactly was the purpose of the first chapter. What was the significance of mentioning that she got the job if it wasn't mentioned again? And the twist at the end with the rape felt completely out of place, and sort of tasteless? I feel like it was used as a plot device, as a means to sort of "teach" her to look after herself, and that doesn't sit well with me. There's other ways to make her realise she was being reckless and not being safe, and it also seemed a bit of a jump from Zacky's character.

The focus on the drugs and how she was pretty much just flittering about with her life was good, but I didn't really get a good grasp of Lola and her feelings over everything. The ending was very abrupt and didn't really deal with the aftermath of rape which I think would've been a good way to go.

Drug use is always a very interesting concept to read about to me, because there's a lot of different ways you can go about writing it. I thought it was interesting that you chose to focus more on the love triangle-ish part of the story and so the drug you sort of became secondary to that. However, with how the ending turned out and how she realized that she needed to take care of herself more, I wish you would have focused more on the drug use and how it was effecting her life, you know?

The whole story felt a bit disjointed to me. You started out with Lola getting a new job, which was kind of just left alone for the rest of the story. The Zacky and Matt situations sort of made sense to me, but the way the acted towards Lola felt sort of odd considering the situations. The rape scene felt very odd and random to me as well. I understand that it was used as a way for Lola to realize that she needed to take care of herself. but it didn't feel like it with Zacky's character at all. It really felt sort of unneeded to me.

I did like how you ended the story, with Lola's realization. I wish her emotions and how she was dealing with things were explained in a bit more detail, or at least weren't quite as "wishwash-y" as they were, but I did think you picked a good way to end it.

Something I noticed with your dialogue:
"I look forward to seeing you work." He added as I made my way to the door should be "I look forward to seeing you work," he added as I made my way to the door".
There should be a comma before the quotation mark, and then the word after it (he, in this case) should be lowercase.

Overall, interesting story!

This was a good read; especially with all the emotions overflowing. some people might say 'drugs and smut don't o together' but me, personally, made it better. I enjoyed every word of this, and thank you so much for adding the word count; last chapter I was hoping for more, but fuck. Sequel time. what the fuck though? rape? but rape scenes are always a pleasure, so i'm satisfied.

I really love this and its very good. I cant wait to see more of it

This was so good!!!!!!! This is the first story I've ever read with such a large amount of drug usage in it and I loved how you explained what the drugs do to people and how they feel. Aww Lola and Matt, they need to have a serious relationship. I love me some Matt and that smut with them was super sexy. Oh no! Zacky raped her! That is not even cool dude, bad Zacky! I loved the ending, it was so sad and it's making me want more so do a sequel or else! Great story girl, I loved the plot of this and the fact that you mentioned my boys. Love it!

I'm not a massive fan of Avenged Sevenfold, so I don't know the guys very well. However, I like the general plotline you had going in this. I know that a lot of Avenged stories seem to revolve around pubs and clubs, but you've made the idea your own entirely. I like that Lola already knows Matt, that's a nice change from the usual fanfics that I've read. You've also included a lot of taboo subjects (underage drinking, doing drugs, that sort of thing) and you definitely don't seem to shy away from using them frequently, which is great. You've also used a different setting a lot of the time (Greece) which is really interesting. I like the fact that you haven't used America, which seems so traditional to stories of this type.

I also like how you have your character fully flawed at the end. It's always impressive when people can pull of a sad ending, but this is made even better by the character realising that she was partly to blame for the actions of the story, which again is something that I don't see often enough in stories.

As you were the only entrant, there wasn't any competition. Rather than not announce a winner, you will be able to pick a prize. I will message you later on with the details!

Holy crap!! I was not expecting that at all. It was very good though, I can't wait for the sequel!!

Omg! You totally have to make a sequel sometime because I want to see what happens or if she tells Matt about what happened with her and Zacky! Thanks so much for the shout out and for writing this for me! You are awesome and I love ya!

Hehehe ohh evil Zacky.... I like!

Ahhhh! I am loving this so far lol. I would love to be in her shoes....I mean sleeping with Matt would be a dream...but getting stoned with him too? OMG. I love your writing lady and this idea is so nice and different from what I see on here. A lot of people never write about drugs and their affects so it's nice to see that too. Can't wait to read the next chapters.

Love this!

Yes! I really really like this story. I cant wait until the next update. :)

I'm very intrigued and can't wait to see how the story unfolds.

Can't wait for the next chapter! Update asap

This is good so far! Cant wait to read more!

This is good so far! Cant wait to read more!