Bloody Mary - Comments

I must admit, I got creeped out by this. It could be to do with the fact that it's ten to two in the morning, but it was still creepy. Way better than most of those paranormal activity films. They were terrible but this, your description brought her to life. I could almost see her standing there, and that's not an image I really want at this time of night. Haha.

I've curious as to what she was doing there at three am, during all the times she appeared to him. Was she going to kill him? Was she trying to send him a message?? What was it?! I'm more intrigued considering the fact they didn't even summon her at three am, but instead only used the Ouija board and managed to get not only her response but also an appearance. I understand Jeremy's disbelief at first - anyone would - and really, it's easy for the planchette to be moved by one of the ones with their fingers on it so his suspicions that Louis is the one moving it are completely natural. But it's so creepy. Ugggggh. I should have waited to read this.

I did pick up something - in Louis' first dialogue, you have him say - “Let’s do something different tonight Jeremy,” - and then a bit further down he says - “Oh shut up Kyle!” - so I'm unsure what name the character is? I've used Jeremy above but that's just because that name appeared first.

Can I also just say that the picture you used is creepy. It wouldn't bother me during the day but it's late, there's always weird noises sounding in this accommodation block so now was really not the best time to see that picture or read this, really. Ha.

@ sempiternal.
hahahaha I'm sorry, I hope you get to sleep tonight! Thanks for much for the comment, I'm glad you liked it even if it scared you. And I actually placed third in the contest :)

Jesus Christ, no it's not like I wanted to ever sleep again or anything. This is probably the fucking creepiest thing I have ever read on this website. I am so superstitious that it's insane and I hate being by myself or even awake at 3am. I won't even let myself watch scary movies / TV shows after the sun goes down because then I'm creeped out the rest of the night and ugh. I don't even care that there's still plenty of sunlight, THIS CREEPED ME OUT SO BAD THAT I'LL PROBABLY NEVER SLEEP AGAIN THANKS A LOT. The part where Louis says that Mary is a demon is probably the part where my face contorted into horror and terrified me the most, and when the creepy bitch was coasting around the living room right to the main character. I have heard incredibly good things around the site about this story, though, so it doesn't surprise me that this terrified me. Great job! I wish you luck in the contest you've entered this in.

So first of all, this is a creepy ass layout. It just makes me wanna look away or hide or something. The banner, omfg no. I love scary stuff and horror and gore but stuff like this just creeps me the hell out. xD

One thing I thought while reading, you wrote out for a month. “Anyway, I think we should I just don't think that the anyway needs to be there. Louis wasn't the one saying that they couldn't hang out for a month, and he also hadn't said anything that would really need him to start the next sentence with anyway but that's just me being really picky. Sorry.

So this was so creepy, like literally one of the creepiest stories I've read on here. I loved it though, and I think that it was really nice how you slowly brought the plot around to Bloody Mary instead of having the boys call to her the traditional way. This was very good.

@ Total Nightmare
Thanks!

@ your_one_addiction
lol Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it, even if it did scare you xD Trust me, it was scary to write, because I was writing it at night and it was making me super paranoid.

well thank you for making it impossible for me to enjoy the dark ever again. that was terrifying. i was planning on reading a cheesy horror story and instead i read something that could make a pretty bitchin horror movie (like a really short independent one) and i wasn't prepared. the layout itself really sets the mood and the banner caught me off guard. i hate scary stories cause i'm a huge wimp and this one wasn't any different. i'm terrified, but separating my fears from my critic i have to say this was an excellent read. although i'm thoroughly terrified i really enjoyed this. bravo, you wrote a clean, terrifying, but not gory(which i appreciate) horror story.

This is really really good! :D I loved it!

@ xMandiblesx
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

Haha it's okay. I finally read it and loved it! I was surprised too because the story went in a different direction that I thought it would. I figured they would wind up in the bathroom calling out to Bloody Mary in the mirror but I liked the twist! I would have shit myself if I woke up and saw something like that lmao. Great job! You capture horror very well.

@ Artist Vs. Poet
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

@ xMandiblesx
lol sorry! Switch to default xD

@ cadaveres literarios
Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it! I'm sorry it scared you so much! I hope you still manage to get a good nights sleep

Well thank you, now I will not be able to sleep tonight

I had to make spaces between paragraphs because I start getting very edgy and scared (I'm a baby, okay?), so I read this very slowly, trying to not build up the fear until I would be terrified; however, I am now terrified so it did not work. This story was amazingly written and I really loved the layout; it gives me the creeps

So, today I shall sleep with my blanket all the way up to the top of my head and hugging for dear life onto my puppy. I shall also, knowing my luck, wake up at 3:00 AM sharp (this has happened before after I watched the Emily Rose movie ).

Thank you for the terrifying read! It was amazingly well executed.

HOLY SHIT! That banner pic scared me lol. I squealed. I haven't even gotten up the courage to read the words yet because she keeps staring at me!

I decided to go ahead and comment on one of your stories from my comment swap blog! First off, this layout is creepy as hell, in a great way!
I am a huge fan of horror movies and stories so I was anxious to read this. I liked it a lot! It was just creepy enough to be good!
I love the characters you used. The two boys actually reminded me of my two brothers, and this is something they would actually do. Shows the relate-ability of the characters! The plot was well written and the idea was something unique. You took a cliche myth of Bloody Mary and wrote a good story around it that was fresh. I enjoyed it a lot!

@ Renavelia
Thanks for the comment! I'll definitely comment on yours, I'll just have to do it a bit later cause I have a friend over right now. :)

Love the layout. It totally freaked me out. Lol. I love the legend of Bloody Mary. She is one of my favorites and I am glad that I found this story through a blog.

I am afraid of the dark, but only because I am a paranoid person and my mind is very vivid in the "Oh-shit-did-I-just-see-something" department. Reading this along with seeing that picture at the top of the layout sent chills through me.

"No! Don't go into the bathroom!" Lol.

Don't fuck with an ouija board. Bad things happen. .^. You expect someone to go to bed after all that shit?! I think not! Rofl! Out of your damn mind. Haha!

Oh fuck no! Why does she have to move?! WHY?! This shit is getting real. (Sorry for the cussing. It happens. There is no controlling it.) I couldn't breathe while reading this. Now I'm going to have nightmares. Thank you.

Could you read my story and comment on it as well? It is called Darling, May I?.

@ km23
Aw, thank you so much! That comment really meant a lot to me, and I'm glad you enjoyed my story. It's great hearing you liked my writing because I think you're a really talented writer! So, thanks again!

Summary and Layout:
I love, love, love the layout. It fits the story and I immediately knew that is was going to be a horror story as soon as I opened the story. The banner matched the background really well, the colors are great, and its easy to read. The summary is short, sweet, and to the point which is fantastic. Its also really intriguing. If I came across your story in the search and read that summary it would make me want to read it instantly.

Writing:
Your writing is incredible. This is just so well written its amazing. Its descriptive enough without getting to the point where the story is just bogged down with nothing but description. I could really picture things in my mind perfectly. The flow and pace is just flawless. The narration is great too. The dialogue feels natural, especially for teenage boys, and just flows. It doesn't feel forced at all. I love the way your main character narrated the story because it also felt natural. Usually I'm not a huge fan of first person narration but I absolutely love the way you did it in the story.

Characters:
I think for a one-shot the characters are incredibly well developed. They feel real and you've given the reader just enough information to understand them. The friendship also feels well developed. They're both distinctly different characters and that adds a lot of depth to the story. I started getting really sarcastic around that age too so I can really relate in that aspect. There were a few lines that actually had me either laughing or smiling because the characters reminded of people that I know. I love how you've worked on developing them instead of just dropping them into a story with no background information. The line about language from Louis' mother and how that led into him talking to loud for his own good. That's another one of those little touches that you added that i think make this fantastic. Its great the way you led into the story with Kyle talking about his family too. It just makes it so much easier to get attached to and get a glimpse into the character's mind. You did an impeccable job developing these characters and putting in elements that really let the readers connect with and sympathize with Kyle during his experience with Mary.
Plot:
The plot is great. It isn't something that's been done over and over again. It was really refreshing to read something as unique as this. I'm not a huge horror fan either so how much I enjoyed this is definitely a testament to how good your writing is. I love how you led up to the horror part instead of just jumping right into it. It was really enjoyable to read what led to the appearance of Mary instead of the story just starting in the middle of it. I liked how it started out being a good day and progressed into something scary.

Overall:
I loved it! Like I mentioned before, I'm not a huge fan of horror. I loved all the little touches you added to make it feel real. I think the way you wrote it as your character looking back on an experience when he was younger was really different. I'm used to reading stories where the reader is right there with the character as the story is happening so it was refreshing to see something different. It was also really nice the even though it completely altered his life, Kyle lived to tell about it. I think my three favorite elements are that he never told Louis, that he continued seeing bloody Mary for a while instead of just once, and that you mention that he still goes on to have a normal life. I really think this story has it all. How much you put into this story is fantastic. Its not a story that just tells the reader about the horror part. It gives the reader a look into the characters' lives before and after. It doesn't just leave things hanging to make anyone wonder what happens to Kyle. You an absolutely great job writing this!

@ Lestat de Lioncourt.
Haha don't worry about it whatsoever! It was fine for me to read but it was pretty scary! Haha great job though! I would not have been able to sit through writing that hahaha.

@ TaraJanee
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it
I'm sorry it reminded you of the ring, I read your rule about the ring but I didn't know it was cause of the little girl that you put it there! But at the same time I'm glad my first horror story was actually scary xD I was getting a little freaked out writing it at night, to be honest. That's mostly why it took so long, I kept having to take breaks lol.

Okay, I have a weird superstitious thing about creepy girls, especially the little girl from the ring. I’m usually amazing with horror, and I can pretty much sit through anything, but there’s something about creepy women or girls that just get to me. This was probably one of the only stories where I clicked on and immediately though, “Oh god. Here we go.”

Yes, Bloody Mary does count as a creepy woman to me. The layout was pretty great, it reminded me of a scary hotel or something. You did pretty well with creating a layout that wasn’t overdone and wasn’t underdone, but was just enough décor to evoke a mood. This mood was obviously scare. I loved it straight up, and even had to divert my eyes from the picture a little. Then I read the status, “Don’t turn out the lights,” and I was like, “Come on man, I’m reading this at night time!” Spot on to you for getting my weakness! You demon!

The characters are the part that I loved the most about this, to be honest. They are so unbelievably realistic, especially Kyle. I can feel and think and relate to this character in so many ways that one, that it was a little freaky. You gave them just enough background. They have a past, they have memories and a family. Things they used to do, things they do now.

“We’d shut off all the lights and dad would hide somewhere in the house and grab us as we walked by.”

That’s totally just something that I would have made my Dad do when I was a kid. It’s a real memory. And giving them that much, even though it was written so shortly, lets me sympathise with them.

“Oh god, another of Louis’ famous suggestions!”

This just gives them that bit of character that they need. They need traits and they need to have bad habits and little funny flaws. It lets me relate to them and it lets me be even more horrified by what I think is about to happen to them. Because in a way, I know these characters, just about as well as they know themselves. Creating realistic characters is so important to me, and I could literally put myself into their shoes and react the exact same way. Be proud of yourself for that, for I was impressed.

I wasn’t sure where this story would lead me, as I was reading it. I thought that we would be doing the cliché mirror trick. But I was quite impressed that you decided to switch it up that little bit, and use another scare factor. The ouija board. Anyway, after that it just escalated into utter creepsters. Gave me a bit of suspicious jitters, which is absolutely amazing. The writing towards the end was very descriptive and imaginative. You definitely know how to write a scary story, to the point where it’s almost like one of those around-the-camp-fire ones. Almost like a myth even. That’s what makes the story even scarier, the unknown possibility of whether this could be real or not.

I’m so glad that you entered, and so glad I read this. It was a perfect horror story! Thank you so much, and good luck!