August 13th, 2013 at 03:28pm
I simply love this story :) From the minute I read your summary I was hooked, you are quite talented at summarizing the story, I'm awful at it and I think you captured just enough detail to pull in the reader but left out just enough for them to roped in. In Chapter Four, I really like the phrase, "To make it worse, Anna decides it's her turn". It's the uncensored, blatant, truth. A lot of "mean girls" (not really sure how else to describe it, but you know the kind of girls I'm talking about XD ) seem like they are "taking turns" on picking on their peers, it's sickening. You captured that beautifully. I can sense the humiliation she feels after everyone is making fun of her and I feel really sad D: If anything, I would focus on putting in more metaphors and similes, maybe some personification. All this will help with imagery and paint the picture even more lovely than you've already done. The pace you've set for the story is marvelous, not too fast or too slow. That's a really hard skill to have and I'm absolutely horrible at it! You're really good at portraying your main character's emotions. Just from saying "I took a deep breath", I know she's the kind of girl who is naturally serene, but can get caught up in the moment. You didn't have to write it, because you implied it. That's what readers love, is when the author shows rather than tells. You're extremely gifted, keep up with the story :)
God Bless!!
xoxo
Olivia
That's very nice of you! I will keep all of the recommendations in mind! I'm very happy that you like it. ;) This is my Wednesday story so I believe tomorrow I will update. ;)