The Gray Letters. - Comments

I'm really enthralled by this! I think it's the simplicity of the way you write. It's flows really cleanly and there's a lot of little lines in there that catch my attention. Right off the bat, it's in the first chapter you wrote, "I wonder if I love him. Or, do I just love the feeling of loving him?" I really love how realistic this is. She's not some girl who's caught up and in love with some boy. She's smarter than that and it creates a nice juxtaposition with the use of "mama" and "papa" (which sound childish). It shows that there's more to her than what meets the eye. It makes her really dynamic.

The description of her was kind of surprising in the second chapter. It's a little too good girl meets bad boy for me. Her blonde hair and pink sweater and "doll" shoes. I already know she's supposed to be a play on the "good girl" stereotype by her use of "mama" and "papa", I don't know if that description is a little too on the nose.

But this chapter is great because she's unabashed. He's the one lost in his own head and she's amused by him. It's a nice turn of events and really not expected.

Chapter five is where I got a bit confused, because it jumped straight into present tense rather than the past where it’d been. Previously, they were telling the story, and suddenly we’re watching it unfold. It’s not an issue because it does happen in stories, but after four chapters, I thought it would stay the same.

Chapter five is a bit confusing though because I can’t get a clear understanding of what’s really happening. They’re at his locker but his books are missing? (who are the culprits?) Suddenly this Ash character pops up and they’re best friends, I get that, but what does Ash look like? And what’s with the “rotten” line? I really don’t understand what’s going on there. Why’s he mean??

You do a good job with making their chapters read different. It’s easy to tell who’s POV it is, just by the way the writing is. But those last two chapters are kind of confusing because instead of it being a straight story line where the two characters are talking about what happened in the past, it changes tense and jumps around a lot. I’m excited to see what you’re going to do with this, but I hope we get some clarity soon. :)

You've got something pretty cool here. I'm curious to see more.

Trevor, just shut up.

I can feel your pain, girl. LOL. Although, I do like how Trevor is so random.

I like how your characters are being described in the story without the description. You can definitely feel their personality through the dialogues you've created.

I'm not sure if that makes sense.... but then, oh well. Can't wait to read the next chapter!

It makes me happy that your characters are kind of random. I'm writing story like that and I love when I read stories where other people have done it as well.

I like this story so far. Your characters are interesting and you're developing them really well, and I'm excited to see how your plot plays out. The summary was really interesting and I really want to see how that ties in with the story.

I love the girl's attitude, too. She just straight up was like "you're pretty ignorant" and that was great.

And Dex is a hottie, holy.

I forgot to mention in the first comment that I really love your layout :).

Anyway, I think Dex is a bit of a hilarious character for not realizing for TWO WEEKS that she was in the same classes as him. Dex is quite the character and he never fails to make me smile.

Why were the classmates protesting pair work? That's the most fun part of the day! As long as you get to pick your partner of course though.

All of the characters in here are so interesting and I"m begging to know both about the two of them. Great job this chapter and I'm definitely ready for the drama to begin!

I feel the tension building up. It doesn't matter if it's late! Actually, I just read them now, to be honest.

Am still looking forward to what will come next. Oh and don't forget to add Dex in it too!

Oh this is wonderful! I am so looking forward to more!

I am very looking forward to the next chapters you have in store for us!

I'm pretty excited for this because I believe you're going to do an awesome job with your first orig fic.

for your first original fiction, I must say you're doing quite well !

I really love your descriptions and how they flow perfectly with the dialogue. Descriptions are my favorite part of a story and you definitely deserve an A+ in that department! I also love how you described the beauty as not only gorgeous, but smart with all of her advanced classes text books. I love your way of showing instead of telling through your words; you are quite the talented writer! Please update soon :D!

Very nice second chapter! I'm very interested to know who Dex is and how he ties in with Miss Gray and if that was in fact her he briefly spoke to. I was very excited to see that this had been updated! I thought the POV was nice, just added to the monumental amount of questions I have. But I guess that's good for you, 'cause it'll keep me around, won't it? I checked out Dex's picture and man, I'd want to know the shit out of him. I'd be cruising around his locker every day and I'd hope he's single cause I'd climb him like a tree. You know, no big d. Really though, I'm very much excited to see how this plays out and develops! I'll be awaiting the next update patiently yet very anxiously.

This is a very interesting concept! I like the short styled letters. For your first original fiction, this seems extremely wonderful. I'm very curious and I year to know more about Miss Gray as well as this mysterious person she's running out of her house at midnight to go see. I'm also very curious about her home and family life as well, because she's seemingly mixed up with someone who is not very good news if she has to see him in the middle of the night. I also absolutely love how you started very far in with her letters, there's a sense of mystery because you are in the middle. You don't know what happened before and you don't know what happens next. I have so much swirling around in my mind! This story is already very promising and that there's no doubt in my mind that you'll execute it perfectly. Update soon!