Laura - Comments

Overall, I really like this story! Especially because I just realized it was fan fiction, which meant that anybody could come in and read it while still understanding the major plot of the story.

I agree that there could be more detail, but the detail you've provided is pretty good as it is. However, it seems sort of fast paced, but it's understandable because it is just a one shot. I did think some things could've been expanded upon, though... like the characters, for instance.

Otherwise, besides a few spelling errors here and there, it was a good story.

@ Snow.White.Queen.
Thank you for your comment! :)

I liked this one, it's one of your more interesting plots! The layout is nice, a tad boring, but it's still readable. The title does nothing for me, I'm not a fan of story titles, usually. I know you are going to start getting sick of me saying this, but use more description! I know you can do it, you know you can do it, so why don't you do it! I know they're one shots, but still, a little here and there can't hurt. Your grammar and writing flows pretty well, I'm not complaining. I did like this, so once again, well done!

@ gotham's finest.
Thank you feedback. I'll change that paragraph you mentioned since it doesn't really flow.
Thanks for the compliment on my ending. I wanted it to be simple but cute.

Grammar counts: 22/25
Layout: 20/25
Originality and Story-telling: 30/40
Rule following: 10/10

Overall: 82

So, I'm not the biggest x-Men fan when it comes to comic book characters but I'm glad you write about one. Most people only write about the characters from the movies and totally forget that there's a plethora of other characters in that fandom.

Your writing style was good and you did great in telling the story the only thing I have to say about it is that there are parts that seem choppy such as this paragraph:

Suddenly, the massive pain wave stopped in my hands and feet, leaving just a hurting throb. I craned my neck to see that 2 metal claws are attached into my skin and are sticking out all the way. And there was one sticking out of my foot.

The way that's worded just didn't seem right to me.

My favorite part about this story is the last two lines:

I laughed as I quickly gained on Logan, knowing that he would be buying.

I didn’t have any money anyways.

That's a wonderful ending. It's not overly complicated and it's not a cliff hanger.

@ January Rose
You're very welcome!
Aw yay!

@ Artist Vs. Poet
Thank you so much! You made my day!

This is very interesting! I liked where you went with it and your writing style is great! This is a very unique story and I liked it a lot!