Manic - Comments

yayayay update.
I hope neche feels better.

shit just got real...

Ahh a mention in the story and a mention of my own story i love you!! I feel so special :3

I liked it. And short and quick chapters are nice :P

I am so sorry this comment is late. Well, better late than never right? Here goes my constructive criticism.

Summary:

Your summary is somewhat fast-paced. I realize that it's an excerpt but I don't think an excerpt should be that short. Maybe you would like to add a description of how Kendall thinks of Neche; you could also add more feelings on his part when he was proposing to her. The summary mainly composed of dialogue which did have emotion but lacked descriptions to further enhance the image the reader was coming up with.

"I'm sick, you don't want to be with me," she shook her head back and forth as tears started to form.

I know that a person doesn't shake her head back and forth. A person only shakes her head sidewards as a form of negation. Unless you were implying that she was continuously scared and worried about the situation thus vigorously shaking her head in confusion, I suggest you change your choice of words there.

Characters:

I am not a fan of Big Time Rush, I can honestly tell you that. Therefore I'd like you to add more descriptions about them in your chapters. The first chapter is fine but then you have to slow down a little for the readers to know more about the characters in the story. I can come up with a picture in my mind of Kendall and Neche but practically, that's it. You need to focus on writing your minor characters in a 3-D dimension as well.

Layout:

I agree with the user below me. You need to lessen the space between the lines because it's kind of hard to read. I have no problem with the colors you've chosen, the font and font size you used but the spaced out lines are difficult for me to adjust my eyes to.

I don't know if you haven't noticed but I can only see half of Kendall's face on your layout. I think it's because of Dujo changing the server. Try fixing it again because it doesn't work on the layout.

Overall:

I know where you're going with this story but you've got to take things slow for a while. The first and second chapter are good but then the story suddenly goes fast-paced because you've dropped down several other characters that the reader doesn't know about yet when he/she is still getting used to the main characters (Kendall and Neche). You can add a character tab for readers to check on about the characters in the story. If you post it, it will be found beside your username and readers can get a short and meaningful insight on each person in the story *plus, there is an image of them which will be much easier for us to picture out.

First things first, I have to say that even though I appreciate the words spaced out, I feel like the writing is too spaced out and I found it irritating on the eyes, so I had to swap to the default layout.

Already, I’ve found a few spelling/grammar mistakes and while I would point them out, my comment may end up being a bit long. You jump between tenses a few times, but grammar aside; I like the relationship between Kendall and Neche. I was a bit surprised to read that they were married, considering in the first chapter, it seemed like they were two friends rather than two lovers. I love that, despite Neche’s issues, Kendall really does care for her and just wants the best for her, which is always sweet to read. I also loved the description of Neche and how much detail you put, because I could really imagine her in my mind. This isn’t generally my type of read, but I am intrigued to see how much of Neche’s bipolar disorder really plays a part in their marriage. Good effort!

Awe
everyone is so dang cute in this story! I can't get over this.

I love this story so much. I'm excited for the next update. Happy Independance Day Neche! <3

I really like this. Keep up the great job and please update soon?

I'm loving this story.

Ouu I am intrigued. :3
I like this. I am subscribed and I am excited to see where it goes.