My Enemy - Comments

I’m here to judge for the ‘Those Who Are Shamed’ contest.

Your concept was definitely interesting, albeit manipulative and kind of abusive on Matt’s end? Unless I’m mistaken, he blackmailed her into filming a porn movie because… why? That’s what I can’t figure out. I thought his reasons for doing something so cruel would come to light somewhere in it all, but it never did. It literally seemed like he wanted this for his own sick desires and he made her do it simply because he had the leverage to make her. Either way, this was definitely a unique way to have someone cope with a nasty break-up. With both men, at that.

I’m glad that Moraxella didn’t rekindle any feelings towards Zacky at the end, but I was confused as to how he could claim to love her if he went around slut-shaming her for taking her virginity. It actually just made me angry. So I appreciated that she stood by her feelings of betrayal and hatred, and you didn’t try to romanticize anything.

All in all, this was an interesting plot. You have some technical and grammatical errors throughout, but nothing that hindered my ability to read it or understand what you were saying.

I'm here as a new judge for the Fanfiction Smut contest!

I thought this was a unique plot from the beginning. The fact that she was a normal girl that had to make a porno was an interesting concept and not something I've ever seen being written about before. The emotion came through well with Moraxella and you could tell that even though she didn't want to be doing it, she did it to help her further herself along in life.

I appreciated that even though you gave some backstory on her and Zacky, they didn't end up getting back together at the end. It was much more realistic the way you wrote it, and I'm glad that Moraxella stuck to her guns with the way she was feeling towards both of the guys. She didn't magically fall in love or anything which was nice.

Overall, I think you picked a unique way to go about writing smut and, though there were some technical errors, it was an interesting piece to read.

I'm here judging the entries for the Yet Another Smut Filled A7X Contest.

Content

I actually think the way you've started this entire thing off is really interesting. I honestly didn't even think anyone would have thought of writing a story about making a porno, so it's actually fairly unique, even right from the beginning! I think someone else mentioned this below, but in terms of relationship, you did really well with this. I like that even though he was kind of concerned at the end, Moraxella didn't just suddenly fall in love with Zacky again. I was worried that'd happen by the end as you were including backstory, but it didn't and I think it makes the whole porno setup more realistic than it would have. I know that personally, I wouldn't sleep with an ex for a film and then want to get back with them, so I thin it does appeal to the audience in that respect. All-in-all, you've got a nice little fleshed-out plot throughout this, even though there's only one part!

Concrit

I laid in bed feeling like utter shit - laid should be lay here, I think. It sounds better to me with lay, anyway.

I looked at the clock on the bedside table, it read 12:27 pm - the comma in that sentence should be a semicolon.

‘’I know who he is.’’ I said with an angry smile - the period at the end of the dialogue should be a comma. Likewise, this error is repeated in the next two lines of dialogue and further into the piece at points.

‘’Yes, everything’s here. You can continue your college life and I can get the money I need from your movie which will be sold in Turkey. - I think you've missed a quotation mark off of the end of this piece of dialogue.

tall man with mystery blue eyes and dark hair
zacky's got green eyes!

He had a smooth-looking cock that was crisscrossed with veins and rested in a bed of glossy, dark curls.
the detail here is awkward for me, but really well written! it makes it easy to visualize. ;) good job.

i realize this is just a smut fic, but remember that it's supposed to be a porno in making, meaning that there are directors and stuff who would probably interrupt between scenes and stuff. especially when she says the wrong name.

ugh! an ending that leaves the reader wanting more! i waaant zack to come running out after her!

thank you for entering my contest! :)

internet problems! sorry for double comments! :(

There needs to be a story!!

Okay, that wasn't what I had in mind when I thought I'd read this so it blew me by surprise. Porn movie with your enemy and then walking away, awesome.

Awe! Gah that was like so awesome and then at the end you throw in all these emotions and damn! That was HOT! haha Cold shower numba 3!! =]

This was absolutely adorable and at the same time... very sexy and descriptive. I love how her emotion wraps up and she is a great character. I could see her being in a chaptered story. An idea would be to write a story about what happened in High school and the emotions.

I'm curious, what happened after she left the dressing room? And what the hell happened in high school, why was she called a slut for sleeping with him, if he loved her so damn much? These are the questions that plague my mind. I loved this, absolutely loved it, and I'm going to hold out hope for a complete story coming from this I think it'd be as amazing a read as this one shot! Especially because your character is as realistic as they come and I like that she didn't fall back in love with him.

Yay! I really loved this! It was so hot and sexual! Steamy dreamy! Sorry it took me so long to get to this! I love your writing and that dirty talk Zacky kept doing was...soooo sexy.

First off, I love the name Moraxella. Just because. And the way you portray Zacky, despite her tendency to be sharp with him, is almost as though he's learned from his previous mistakes. He's very subdued about it all, especially the way he speaks. Saying 'I know' instead of retaliating, it's a great way of looking at things.

I also like how you didn't announce her back story all of a sudden, just kind of slipped it in so the reader could discover it for themselves.

I really loved the ending- how she didn't suddenly forgive Zacky or fall back in love with him, it was exactly how something like that would have gone down in real life. A lot of writers find it really hard to gain that sense of realism in their stories, but you captured it perfectly.

I really enjoyed this story, you have done an amazing job. Thank you so much for entering!