Uppers, Downers, All Arounders - Comments

Commented before, so sorry to clog the page, but if you could send me the background image URL? It could look cool in a banner.

Woah, I kind of got lost in that story. That background was all hypnotizing, haha.

I loved how you wrote this, I know I've said it before, but I'm jealous how you can change your writing style to fit the story and plot that you're working with. You wrote this really frantically and almost choppy, but it fit the story so well. I loved that.

I don't know what it is about your stories that involve drugs, but like lungsmoke said, I got lost in the story and I felt like I was there in the room with them which was a really weird feeling. I’m not entirely sure what happened at the end, I kind of feel like she OD’d or something and ended up in a hospital. I’d love to read more about these characters if you ever end up writing more. I really, really like them.

double post

I liked this. (Wow like that's new hahaha I like all of your stuff bby ♥)

I like the background too. I only wish the box was a little less transparent, because at times I found the text a bit hard to read. But other than that, I feel like the background fits so much. It definitely contributed to that blurry feeling that I got when I was reading this. I don't know when it was exactly that I got lost in the story and I felt like the world had gone soft and blurred, like things had slowed down and become unfocused. Kind of like how I imagined Liv was feeling. I'm going to go ahead and say this is my favourite story so far. I don't have much to say on the writing this time around because I liked the feeling you evoked with it.

"“Is that what I think it is?” She stopped me" - should be 'she'.
"enough,” She tugged me along." - again, 'she'.

I knew this was going to be amazing and I wasn't dissapointed. Not to put pressure on you, but I have a feeling I'll be reading a lot more of your stuff, and expecting the best. You are a superb writer, and if you'd have told me you were so good I would've been here sooner. Love this.

The entire chapter just seemed so free. I know that's a rather strange word to use, but it did. Sentences just short enough to prove Liv's tripping, but long enough to be comprehensible. All throughout I got the feel that I was sitting there in the room with the broken toys and the peanut-butter jar, and that in itself was trippy as balls because I don't do drugs. lolol.

But you managed to encompass the reader in the darkness of the room and the freedom of the girl and her friends, and the ecstasy that was felt and the escape that was had, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I'm actually glad you asked me to read it because tbh you're just great writer in general and I didn't really know what to expect; what sort of story would it be? What would the message be, the plot?

I'm truly looking forward to Downers (assuming the second chapter will be called so). Probably because you've brought the plot that so many write (girl popping pills in the dark with a friend) and brought it up a level, above the black-haired kids smoking pot and getting stoned off their asses that seems to be how people view this sort of genre.

Sorry this comment was like 19203847665 words long, but I honestly felt that every one needed saying. I'll be on the lookout for the next chapter in my newsfeed soon

Cheers~
-A

I definitely agree with birdbones, reading this really does make me feel like I'm tripping. I think it might mainly be to do with the layout, but the descriptions definitely help.

I kind of get a sense of the narrator having an intense buzz through the sentence structure. You've used short, choppy sentences all over the place which I would usually hate but it seriously works so well within this. You really get the essence of the narrator's mind being...well, all over the place and a little bit wacky. I've never had any experiences with drugs, but from what friends have relayed, I definitely think you've managed to capture the mindset perfectly, even just through the sentences!

I absolutely love the musical-themed descriptions you've used. I'm always a sucker for them but these ones seem so obscure and awesome that they really made an impact. The piano keys as teeth really was quite an interesting one. The way you describe everything, the positive and the negative both in the one chapter makes everything seem so realistic. I'm interested to see where you take this, I think it has great potential!

I feel high reading this. Which is something. As someone who has, sadly, experimented with quite a few drugs, you have such a clear and realistic grasp on the feelings of intoxication. Disorientation, excitement with that twinge of fear and that risk as all so obvious and strong. You really have a great tone in your writing. A few tings that I particularly loved:
"I only bobbed my head to the beat of the bass pumping like blood through the walls..."
I love any description of music, but I feel like this one is so original and accurate that I am shocked I've never heard it before.

"He just smirked, thin lips pulling back to reveal teeth white as piano keys glittering like diamonds in the low light..."
I love characters like this, and I know people like this as well, the kind snake, someone who you know not to trust, but you feel that if you keep your nose clean, you might actually never had a problem with them.

Seriously, this is very realistic, and I am just, so in love with it.

I really love your descriptions. You effortlessly capture the characters so vividly it's like really being in the room with them.

The layout was well made, because despite the mass amount of bright colors you could still read the story with ease.

I feel like you really paid attention to writing the story in a way that we could feel the narrator getting disoriented as the story went on. And how you captured the dependence that addicts have towards their drug of choice was a nice touch too. I also love that you were able to let the readers know that she was in a hospital at the end without actually ever stating it. All in all really great story.

It's be interested to read the next parts if you do decide to make into a three chaptered fic.

Let me just say first of all, can you please send me some of your writing skills in the mail or something? Jeez.
This layout is wonderful, and perfect for the story. It's just great, and retro, and kind of beautiful.
You have such a talent for description, and seriously had me wishing I could describe things and add similes and metaphors the way you do. It's beautiful really.
I also noticed in this that some words like at the beginning of sentences and words like I'm and I'll were lower case. I'm starting to wonder if this is a stylistic choice, and I just didn't pick up on it right away?

"...she gave me a smile so big the moon would have been jealous..." Love it.

"He just smirked, thin lips pulling back to reveal teeth white as piano keys glittering like diamonds in the low light." What a great description, I can picture it. It's seriously flawless.

Also one of the characters had my name (Kayla) so that made me happy :D

Fabulous job, as always!

This is generally irrelevant but your layout is hella psychedelic. I felt an intense need to say that.

I LOVE STORIES IN VERBS. I JUST LOVE THE GENERAL FAST PACED ATMOSPHERE OF STORIES THAT ARE WRITTEN ALL IN VERBS AND YOU HAVE FOUND MY WEAKNESS DAMN YOU. I love the rhythm you set up though, with the repetition of the -ing, I feel like it compliments the sort of repetitive hum of dance music I associate with psychedelic drugs I don't even know if that was intentional but that's what's coming to mind. JUST THOUGHT THAT WAS SOME COOL PARALLELS.

I don't even know why I love it so much but using the verb navigating just made me really happy like that is such a good word a+ for you.

Yes for strange personification of moon smiles I dig that so hard. Also the bass pumping like blood through the walls ahhh yes metaphors hit me right in the good spots.

Also just random details like the peanut butter jar I enjoy that thoroughly like yes I always keep my illegal drugs in peanut butter jars where else would I put them? Just the whole psychedelic feel to this entire piece is awesome, like the piano key teeth and the cheshire grins it's all like bursts of colours and sounds and exaggerations and I totally dig that.

Also the damn happy pills I liked it a lot. This was a really cool piece for being so short I thoroughly enjoyed it. A couple times you forgot to capitalize your i's other than that though spot on a+ it was awesome.

Again another well written piece, your layout, your wording, the description, everything is awesome.. Good job!

I've actually read this, but I forgot to comment because I fell asleep shortly after reading - it was like 3AM. Anyway, this was a hella tight start if you intend for it to be a three part piece. And if it's all alpha and omega, it's a hella tight alpha and omega too. I really liked how dream-like this was. I'm a sucker for stuff where the narrator is basically out of their mind to the point that I'm like: what the actual fuck. I wasn't quite to WTAF level, but I was definitely at a: wat. Kind of like that tumblr meme of that one old lady with the "wat" on it. This is going to be so awk if you don't know what I'm talking about, BUT, anyway. I liked this because of your strong use of description. I could actually see, here, and smell practically everything that you were describing. I like the repetition of "the damn happy pills" too. I'm a huge sucker for repetition. ❤

I'm sorry if this comment sucks, as we discussed earlier, I'm getting exhausted from all the comments.

First off, wanted to say that the background is so colorful and lovely and goes well with the banner!

Right off the bat, that first sentence captured my attention. I really love how you use more then one description when describing! For example, sweat,booze,perfume,cologne, wafting. I'm basically just stunned by the description that you provided. I liked how you didn't rush the whole scene and you let it play out and it just ran smoothly.

I'm really curious about Liv and her friends and why they are so into drugs and I want to know what the happy pills are? Are they like a new street drug and what do they do?

I don't think I found anything that was grammatically wrong as I read over this. Good job! It's only one chapter so far but I just can't wait to read some more. I don't care if it's a 3-short or longer just as long as it's not a one-shot!

I love the description and the layout is amazing! This is very intriguing and very well written. I agree with the comment below about the whole rushed sensation of the story, it really adds to the effect and really made me feel part of the story. Can't wait to read the next two chapters, please update soon!!! :-) xxx

I really liked the, how can I say this, rushed sensation of this. Like because they were in a hurry to get what they wanted, I felt the same way when reading this. In all honesty, I was getting a little excited with each paragraph that I read. I just wanted to know if they got what they wanted, and then the end happened and I just couldn't help but smile.

The description was so amazing. I noticed how you added more than one descriptive word when describing something, and I really like how it happened throughout the chapter. If you don't know what I'm taking about, an example that I really liked was this:

Quote

There was a ringing in the back of my head, right above my left ear and I was swinging, side to side, wobbling.

I just really liked how is happened more than one time, throughout the entire chapter.

Anyway, before I continue rambling, I just want to say that this was, as I said before, exciting and wonderfully written. You might be thinking of adding more to it which would be really cool, but it could easily stand alone as it's own one-shot.

The layout is pretty awesome! Usually I don't like the bright neons on layouts but yours fits!
I love the while idea so far! I'm intrigued on what's going to happen next. It all seems sorta dark and mysterious right now and I like it!
I think a 3 shot is a great idea!

I absolutely love this idea. The layout matches perfectly with it as well.

The way you describe things in this chapter is magnificent. Things like "the Cheshire grin" made me smile. You definitely focused on senses throughout this chapter because it's such a key role in drugs so A+ for you haha ! My favorite part of the whole story is when you relate Kayla to her hair; that was absolutely fantastic. And I can't deny that I liked the little girl on girl action you got going here in the story haha. Anyway, amazing so far; can't wait until the downers chapter comes out. The three shot idea is really cool.

Ah, I love this. The title is catchy, the layout is CRAZY. I'm not into drugs, but I like the party scene and I find it fascinating. I'm looking forward to the rest of this. :)