Emerald Eyes (Kaichou wa Maid-sama Fanfiction) - Comments

@ your_one_addiction
I think when I rewrite it I'm going to have a different beginning, but still the same plot in my head. With the same characters and characters names... Just a bit differently set.

@ RadiantRaiinbow
re-writes can sometimes be more fun than the first time you wrote it. it's always a treat to go back to something and revisit it and revamp it. sometimes you may introduce new idea that helps the story move along better. i wish you luck with however you choose to go about this story.

@ your_one_addiction
I know, I'm tempted to re-write it. XD Because yeah I have lot's of mistakes and it's just like gahhh. XD It's irritating me now. ~ :3 But thanks. :3

I agree with the below comment, your details and story plot line is there but the flow is a bit off. Once you get more comfortable with your writing the flow will get better and you'll have a kickass story. I really like the idea of the child not knowing he has a father, and the father not knowing he has a child. I feel like this gives you a lot to play with in terms of character and plot development. I'm interested in seeing where you take this and if or how Ayuzawa tells Kai about his father. So my only advice would be to reread your story back to your self once in your head then once more out loud and see if anything sounds odd or if you feel like it could be edited to flow better, that's what I do.

I've never read a story like this before! It really broadened my mind to other fandoms and I' so glad I got to read this! You write with such flawless detail, it really intrigues me as a reader. You have really unique names and I like that :) I would work on your word flow, your details are perfect, just work on connecting them together so it's easier to read. I think you're a natural writer, an extremely gifted, one too! Never ever, ever, ever stop writing, because you are truly magnificent at it!!

Wishing you the best,

Olivia