Flowers in the Wind - Comments

I’m here as the new host for ‘The Writing Contest’.

I love the way you’ve written this so far. It reads easily like a YA novel that I just picked up off the shelf. The concept itself isn’t unfamiliar (girl gets shipped off to a grandparent for a summer and meets a boy), but the way you’re executing it makes it where it’s unique and memorable in your own way. I love Wendy as a character so far because she’s not trying to be something she’s not. She’s not mean or rude to her grandmother, but she still has that slight annoyance that teenagers usually deal with around old people. I like her dry sarcasm and deadpan humor, like the line about tampon commercials as a metaphor for how happy she was when Michael asked her out. I laughed. She’s really just a very blunt and witty character, but not disrespectfully.

Your detail is actually fantastic, too. You provide a lot to paint a really clear picture, but you don’t do it so much so that I get bored and skim through paragraphs upon paragraphs of details. Your writing style creates such a simplistic and easy flow through everything that I really, really enjoyed.

You did have a few errors here and there, but it was mostly a missing word so it wasn’t a big deal.

So all in all, fantastic beginning! This story has a lot of promise.

This is really very good. I love how effortless your writing seems to be and i love how you describe the characters.
I felt kind of bad for her grandmother in the first chapter, what with how she lost her husband and smokes a pack a day and then really never knew her own granddaughter...and now that said estranged granddaughter is there, that granddaughter doesn't seem to think much of her. I dunno...i just want to give her grandmother a hug.
I love how you described Brian's friends as a motley crew. I love how you described each of them in one sentence, giving us enough to work with but not boring us to death.
The conversations are great..not long and drawn out and then there's the underlying witty humor in your female character towards the end of the second chapter.
This is really brilliant work and i hope you update soon. i'm also recommending this because it's just so good.

This is incredible. The style and all the elements fit in so perfectly to the setting and the time period that you are creating. Everything in your writing is so...balanced. Like everything is neat and understandable and I really appreciate it.

The summary is freaking perfect. It gives just enough to sincerely attract a reader, but not so much where I feel like I might as well not even read it at that point.

You're writing one hell of a protagonist, that's for sure. She's blunt, headstrong, and independent but still understands well how she has to behave in certain situations; like even though she doesn't particularly enjoy being around her grandmother (understatement of the year), she is still polite to her. I particularly enjoy the way you develop your characters, especially how you focus on their thoughts to do so. It's a very hard thing to do, especially in first person where you normally just want to state everything.

Loving the scenery for sure. The description of her arrival, her grandmother, and the beach are all particularly intriguing. It all draws you into the story and helps you develop the story in your head, so that it's much easier to relate to or at least develop an understanding of. The only setting thing that is unclear to me is where exactly are they? Sometimes it mentions a beach or coastal area which I would think of as generally more populated, but then you reference small-town life. Maybe I'm just confused.

It's the little things in this that really catch you off guard that I appreciate. It's subtle, masterfully understated. Like, "He has a lovely smile, the kind you just know you can trust, and which so often can be misleading. Michael has that kind of smile." It hints toward her awful past with Michael, but also hints toward her developing opinion and feelings toward/on Brian. The subliminal messages in her thoughts, actions, and words build up to demonstrate her actual mindset.

Is the not-skating in the skate park supposed to be a symbol or some kind of metaphor? I'm a little bit confused as to its' purpose in your story. I mean I get the invitation to Rocky Horror (woo! Love it), but is that it? It's just hard to discern. Maybe I'm just overthinking it.

Anyway, I really do appreciate your style in this piece. It develops a very good sense of self, if that makes sense. It takes on it's own personality in a way. And like I said earlier, it just fits the time period that you achieve incredibly well. Each of you characters develops well on their own, like how all people have their own way to speak and interact so do your characters. It's a very realistic fictional universe.

I don't read much original fiction. But I must say that I very much so appreciate the way that you create it. I understand that it's much harder to create something from nothing, rather than build on an already present idea. So I strongly commend your writing abilities. You should be very proud of this story - I'd very much so like to read more!

Ooh, I liked that first chapter! I love how you're just hitting all the attitude and emotions perfectly. You don't make her irrationally angry or like super duper bummed out all the time. And I loved the part where she was describing his face and comparing and contrasting all those things to Micheal's appearance. I just love how Wendy doesn't just forget about Micheal immediately! Love your descriptions too!

@ EdWiN.isamonster
Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you're liking it! And yeah, Rocky Horror is awesome xD

Brian is such a sweetie, I'm really loving his character. I'm also loving his friend, so far, and I'm pretty excited to see where it all goes from this point on. Rocky Horror is one of my favorite movies/plays so I can't wait to see how Wendy feels about it!

@ sempiternal.
Thank you for the comment, I'm glad you're liking it! lol I'm always surprised how many people don't know what Rocky Horror is, it's kind of said because they're definitely missing out.

UNF, DIS STORY. It's so good. Have I mentioned that teen summer romances (especially beach ones) are my biggest fiction weakness? Because they are. And this has everything I love in it. Pretty girl gets sent off for getting into trouble with a bad boy that she's way too good for, she's sent to spend the summer relative, and she meets a good guy and hopefully they're 2getha 4eva. THESE STORIES JUST GIVE ME MAD FEELS. I'm so excited to see how this plays out. I love your sense of imagery, especially when it comes to describing her grandma. I kind of couldn't help but laugh about the thing about her eating bad since her grandpa died in WWII. I REALLY LIKE BRIAN. He's a good guy that gets along with old ladies, I frickin dig it. I also like all of his creepy buddies and how Kenny basically embarrasses him by saying HAHA HE'S BEEN TALKING ABOUT HOW FAB YOU ARE TO US AND WANTS YOU TO HANG OUT WITH US by asking if Brian had invited her yet. And excuse me but how does this girl not know what Rocky Horror is? Anyway, this is great. I love it. You're doing an amazing job. ❤

Okay, so I really like the summary so far and I think it does a fabulous job of drawing the reader in. At first, it's got a load of personality and you really get a feel for the main character, but then the second paragraph you go all poetic but relatable, which I really like about it.

Moving on to the content, I have to say that it does not disappoint. You've written this in a way that's interesting yet captivates the reader. I could not tear my eyes off nor was I bored by reading this. I love how at the end, you compared Michael to Brian (loving Brian already, btw) with the different colour eyes and his features and the mole. I only noticed one spelling mistake: When I total Michael this he informed me that those flowers are actually weeds, total should be told. Otherwise I thought this was beautifully written so far and I can't wait to see what is in store for us!

I like the imagery in this story, it's beautiful. The fact that I can paint a picture while reading this is pretty awesome because it can be difficult to do so when a writer doesn't know how to describe what's going. You don't seem to have a problem in this department and I must applaud your work! I'm also really into the way you've described her feelings and thoughts. The description of her first hit making her feel as if she were in a Stanley Kubrick movie was great, I believe that it's my favorite part in this chapter.

The comparisons she was making between Michael and Brian were interesting. The way she had described Brian mad me think of him as this being of light while Michael was something dull and grey. I suppose that it's fair, considering the fact that Michael is a bad boy. This is amazing so far and I love it, just like the last story I read, and I can't wait to see where this goes.