June 29th, 2017 at 10:38am
Ahhh you used Anne Hathaway! I love that. And after reading all of those chapters, I've got to say that I really like your writing style. You write in a way that makes me feel as though I'm in the character's head, and Jolie's a lovely person to see through the eyes of. She's very mature -- unlike a lot of characters these days, and it seems as though you've put a lot of thought into this storyline.
I love that it's dance themed. There aren't many stories like that around, and it made for a really neat read. The only piece of constructive criticism I have is that I feel as though they developed feelings for each other too quickly, and I feel that if you had've dragged that out just a little bit longer you would've made this story all that much more amazing. Also -- and I understand that this is the start of the story -- I'd love to see more of Johnny. Tell me more, tell me more.
This was a really nice and unique read. You've got a brilliant idea on your hands!
I’ve never read a Dirty Dancing fanfic so this immediately caught my interest simply because of what it was about. Like, honestly. Name a more iconic relationship than Johnny and Baby’s, and you’re breaking it up just by reading the summary! So, even though I have a soft spot for that relationship, you piqued my interest.
But where I was interested in the story, I was very put off by the pacing.
The dynamic between Jolie and Johnny was too quick right from the start. Even if she was attracted to him upon meeting him, she definitely should not have been so jealous that she stormed right out when he picked her sister as a volunteer. Then to be so jealous that she’s angry. She knew absolutely nothing about Johnny, like at all, and she acts like she’s known him for weeks. Then Johnny is in love with Jolie out of nowhere? The pacing is just really all over the place and way too fast. I couldn’t connect to Jolie at all because she seemed so spastic and intense right out of the gate, and I didn’t enjoy Jolie and Johnny’s relationship because there was no introducing. They didn’t get to know each other, form a bond and a relationship, but were saying they liked/were in love with each other. I would really recommend slowing down a good bit and stretching this out more. Everything’s just far too rushed for me to connect.
I also thought it was so strange that the receptionist would seriously go into that long rant about Johnny’s girlfriend. It wasn’t professional at all and it was kind of unrealistic because I can’t ever imagine a receptionist doing that, even if she did have some personal vendetta against his girlfriend. I would hate for someone else to ask her about dancing.
So you have a really interesting storyline that I think has potential to be a great and dramatic romance, but you should definitely work on your pacing and develop your characters a bit more so their behavior is consistent.