I Always Hurt the Ones I Love - Comments

  • GenRage

    GenRage (100)

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    Nooo!
    This made me get all teary-eyes
    :/
    It was really good though!
    but sad as fuck :'(

    <33
    July 14th, 2007 at 08:56am
  • Zaraza

    Zaraza (100)

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    LoL, thank you very much!
    June 25th, 2007 at 11:05pm
  • Smashed Pumpkin.

    Smashed Pumpkin. (120)

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    what is wron with you. why are you so good!!!. each ofyour stories kill me there so powerful. i luuuv this one!
    June 25th, 2007 at 07:55pm
  • Zaraza

    Zaraza (100)

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    Thanks... =)

    Yeah, I'm all about the bitter-sweet...
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:15am
  • The Way

    The Way (1400)

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    It would have been cliche, had Gerard not woken up. But he did.

    I love the line about believing in the lie, even if he knew they'd never meet again. That was bittersweet.

    Good job, overall.
    May 4th, 2007 at 07:53am
  • James Sullivan

    James Sullivan (150)

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    well never again and never again
    they gave us two shots to the back of the head
    and we're all dead now...

    thats what went through my mind when i read this......its so sad....
    May 2nd, 2007 at 01:04am
  • Zaraza

    Zaraza (100)

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    You hate slash?? Then I'm proud of you for reading it, really.

    And I thought I should change it because that was my... 3rd?? Story ever and I'm very unexperienced. Plus I'm armenian. And I do see the story differently since I wrote it, and I want to know what other people think, and how to make it better.

    (Funny you should mention Aesop cause I live in Norway, HaHa...)

    Thanks again! I think I might change it, because honestly, I don't like the story that much. When I first wrote it, I thought that I had written the whole thing the wrong way, so... Yeah.

    Elena.
    April 21st, 2007 at 08:43pm
  • Jolly McJollyson

    Jolly McJollyson (150)

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    Well, ok, let me put it this way. I mean, this is slash fiction, right? I absolutely hate fanfiction in all forms, and slash is far and away my least favorite. That said, I loved this story, so I'd say that you have to remember that just because one critic doesn't like something doesn't necessarily mean you should change it.

    Personally I think you should remove it because it suddenly changes into this matter of fact, Aesop's fables kind of ending and I didn't think it fit.

    Believe me when I say that typically I think slash fiction is everything wrong with writing, so have some more confidence in your writing abilities that I really enjoyed it.
    April 21st, 2007 at 07:28pm
  • Zaraza

    Zaraza (100)

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    Oh God! I'm sorry, I'm not a pro. Thanks for telling me! This is the first critique I've ever received, it's very helpful.

    And yeah, I know LoL
    I do focus on the whole pity thing too much. It was supposed to be like a memory after he died, and a bit sarcastic...

    I'm really sorry that that sentence ruined everything, do you want me to change it??
    April 21st, 2007 at 01:18pm
  • Jolly McJollyson

    Jolly McJollyson (150)

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    You have a wonderful aptitude for powerful minimalism.

    However, I think you get a little too wrapped up in this self-pitying Emo culture at the end. The last three lines are a little too superficial and self-indulgent. A big disappointment after an otherwise pretty gorgeously written story.

    "And there you have it.

    The deceptive adversity and the agonizing irony of life.

    I always hurt the ones I love."

    "And there you have it" alone threw me completely from the piece. I didn't think it was fitting at all considering the rest of the tone. We understand that the irony of the story is supposed to be agonizing, don't ram it down our throats. More importantly, I'd say (and this is purely opinion, obviously) don't get too wrapped up in how painful and hopeless everything is. You'll lose your reader's empathy and gain distaste for the self-indulgence.

    God, the ending, wHYYYY!?

    Haha, anyhow, if it's any consolation, the only reason I'm giving you this flak for the ending is I absolutely love your style. I'd like to see it rounding out stories with just a little more polish.
    April 21st, 2007 at 01:07pm
  • Reverse Phsycology

    Reverse Phsycology (100)

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    oh my god
    thats so sad
    i loved it

    oh my god

    i'm almost crying

    reely beatifully written
    great concept
    April 20th, 2007 at 11:15pm
  • Zaraza

    Zaraza (100)

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    Aww, I'm sorry..! I feel evil now...

    Elena.
    April 17th, 2007 at 09:44pm
  • Bucky Barnes

    Bucky Barnes (200)

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    Cry I WANT MY MUMMY! Smiley Smiley Smiley Smiley Smiley Because this girl wrote such an awsome one-shot that it made me cry and i had to pretend i smashed my leg against the desk so i didn't have to explain to my mum why i was crying.
    "Sniffs"Its Beau- beau -beautiful
    April 17th, 2007 at 09:39pm
  • kerrayyy__xoxo

    kerrayyy__xoxo (100)

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    oh my gosh.
    This is so beautiful.
    I..I.....
    Im speechless ;_;
    It was amazing.
    And so sad.
    April 11th, 2007 at 12:05am
  • paper heart

    paper heart (100)

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    wow...

    simply...wow

    idk what to say..its just simply..wow

    x]]
    April 8th, 2007 at 01:13pm
  • Solo

    Solo (100)

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    Awwww! That was so sad. Me and my friend's were crying :(
    April 3rd, 2007 at 08:35pm
  • Blood-Sucker

    Blood-Sucker (100)

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    Awh!!! Thats so sad. :(
    April 1st, 2007 at 11:16am
  • dazzling_britt

    dazzling_britt (100)

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    Cry Cry Cry
    i have tears in my eyes now
    and it takes a lot to get me emotional
    it's so sad
    so, so, so very, very sad Cry

    and heartbreaking Cry
    poor frankie Cry
    poor gerard Cry
    and he bought him the guitar!

    i shall end with:
    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

    :cry:

    they'll meet again
    March 31st, 2007 at 06:32am
  • ripley

    ripley (100)

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    I wanted to comment to let you know I thought it was awesome. I just didn't know what to say about the story, cause it made me sad.
    March 27th, 2007 at 03:38am
  • Zaraza

    Zaraza (100)

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    LoL! If you don't know what to put... you don't have to put anything, aww...
    I'm sorry I killed Fwankie... I didn't want to.
    Who am I kidding, I did want to kill him...
    March 26th, 2007 at 04:57pm