January 1st, 2014 at 07:28pm
Layout:
It's simple and nice, but I don't think the banner really fits this piece.
Summary:
It was very short but it is fiting for a drabble. Plus it kept the mystery and made us wonder what we'll read.
Chapter 1/1:
She sunk into the red velvet couch, not wanting to give notice to anything else. That sentence showed how much the narrator wanted to focus on the film. The next part connected nicely where you said, She had heard from a few friends that the movie was worth seeing. They’d said they never would have guessed of an ending quite like this one. She was excited to see it finally. You showed clearly her expectations of this movie. Most of us have been there, and now the feeling; anting to see a movie which is supposed to be pretty good.
You could space up the second paragraph, cause it's a bit too much - especially for readers who use their mobile phones to read. Just a suggestion.
I liked how you described the movements between the main characters of the movie. It seemed simple really, just like a thriller most of us would have picked to see, but then you went with that kind of ending which just left me speechless.
And there her target was. Above the back of the red velvet couch, a hand draped casually over the back with the other hand in a bowl of popcorn in her lap, was a girl watching the credits of a movie she had just finished.
This kind of ending for such a short piece was GRAND!!! I believe this is one of the best horror drabbles I've ever read on site.
If I have to judge this piece based on your writing skills, then I give you ten out of ten writing pens. It was that good.
-Maria.
thank you so much for your comment and critique. i means the world to me. the reasoning behind the large second paragraph is because it portrays the movie changing into the reality. i do realize it's too much, i just reread it and i was like, what the hell was i thinking. but thank you for that.