August 10th, 2013 at 12:34am
I love this story already! I'm a bit amazed at how great this was for such a short chapter. It's an awesome start to the story. There were no errors that I noticed!
I think it's sweet how nervous he seems about the girl, even just talking to his friends about it. I think that makes me want to keep reading to see what is going to happen with it. And I like the title a lot, I think it really draws a reader in and makes them want to read more of the story. I think his personality is absolutely adorable. He seems like a really sweet guy.
This kid is so cute, like really. He's all embarrassed and crush-y and awe. You captured the "boy has a crush on a girl and doesn't want his friends to find out" thing perfectly. He does seem kinda young if you were going for the whole teenager thing, but you know.
I love the picture in the layout, and the title is awesome. I feel like it’s going to develop into a really awesome story. I tried to do that whole list-type thing in a story once and it didn’t work well for me, but I’m sure you’ll do a fantastic job of it.