Could This Love Be? - Comments

cosmic pixel (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 27
Location:: United States

I really like this story. It's not as cliche as most of the fanfictions I've seen here and I've been looking for good Motionless In White fanfictions for a while! (besides the ones I write that i don't even post lmao) I just have a few complaints/constructive critisism if that's alright :)

1. There's a lot of errors in the capitalization, I really put this first because you can actually get in trouble on mibba if the capitalization/grammar is poor or the writing is sloppy/badly written.

2. The story moves just a little too fast, especially in the last few chapters. She goes from being really nice to being a total bitch in about two to three days, unless she's major PMS-ing this seems highly unlikely. A few chapters in between with some character development would have been perfect. Also, character dialogue is somewhat abbreviated and doesn't give the reader a chance to absorb what's really happening in the story. Don't be too anxious to move from one event to the next as quickly as you can.

3. .........This is really just me being kind of a dick but layouts are nice.