London Leaks - Comments

I am in love so far. I hope they get a really good scoop! More soon, yeah? Lovin' it :DDD

I like this layout and Niall in that gif

You know this is my first 1D groupwrite that I've read (well, the first couple chapters) but anywho, I actually really like this. It's original and I can also see this being a romcom that I'd watch in theaters or something. It's cute and lighthearted and I love it. Though I guess drama will occur soon enough but whatever, I'll stick to my cute and lighthearted comment

(not to mention the fact that I'd do Zayn Malik so fast he won't even know what hit him...............no pun intended)

I'm back for the second chapter!

The pair had been catching up when the she made a - should not be there because it doesn't make sense. Unless it's a start of a word that wasn't quite finished?

as the brunette before he started - it's missing an 'r' on the end, I presume? To make it "her"?

She heard the bathroom door creak to her left she shoved her - I feel that there should be something between "left" and "she", like either an "and" or punctuation? Like a comma?

"Argh," he jumped out - because it's an action and not a speech tag, it should be a full stop with the "he" capitalised.

causing her to smirk, "looks like - same deal here. The comma should be a full stop and the "looks" should be capitalised because it's an action, not a speech tag.

as she studied his jaw line, "did I hurt you?" - again, it should be a full stop and the "did" should be capitalised.

we've just called a truce," Liam was - should be a full stop and capitalised.

"No kidding," She muttered - because there's a comma, "she" shouldn't be capitalised and it should only be capitalised after a comma if it's a name.

"Hey Tanner," she chewed on her lip, - same deal, this is an action and not a speech tag so should be a full stop and "she" capitalised.

So chapter two...it didn't really feel like it tied in with the first chapter which I'm not sure whether you were going for? Like, I guess it sometimes happens in group writes, but the ending sort of linked it. As for the character Dez, I'm not sure whether I like her much. Like, it seems like she wants to sacrifice Liam's happiness (which is seems evident he has) with Lucy just so she can be with him, which I don't like and seems really bitchy of her. But then I don't know everything behind her reasoning, so I guess it depends on how she shapes up to be in later chapters as to whether I end up liking her.

Holy snap!!! I am lovin what y'all have so far. More soon!

"A bed side alarm started to beep exactly at 8 o'clock" - I feel like it would read smoother if "exactly" was after the "8 o'clock" or the "at" was before the "exactly" because it just reads really weird and doesn't flow nicely.

"was sitting open on top a small desk beside" - an "of" should be put between "top" and "a" (prologue)

"A page of easily looked over information was facing up" - to me, it feels like it should be overlooked but I'm guessing you mean information that is hard to miss? In which case I'd suggest re-phrasing of the sentence.

"Annabel was sitting beside the white telephone; looking over the magazine" - the semi-colon doesn't fit and should be a comma instead.

"the booklet in her hands, with a growl" - it feels like an "and" should replace the comma.

"Screw the responsibility-filled adult life; Anna cursed leaning" - I'm guessing the first part is her thoughts? In which case, I'd recommend putting it in italics for emphasis. And if it is her thoughts, the semi-colon should not be there but instead a comma should.

"like her mother’s, scolded. " - the comma shouldn't be there.

"She continued grumble to herself" - it should either be "continued to grumble" or "grumbling" to sound right.

"the view of her unmade bed, and her choice of" - the comma is not needed there.

"moved forward taking a seat on her bed; she then reached" - the semi-colon seems awkwardly placed and I think that it would be better to remove that and place something like a "before" in her place to link the sentences together with a word rather than punctuation.

"She licked her lips, forcing the oncoming tears back, “Well… I’m close to getting what you two wanted. With this job I’ll be getting what I need to start off my real career goal.” Annabel spat at the photo that she held in her hands, she paused before letting out a breath. " - first, there should not be a comma after "back" instead a full stop should be there. Secondly, I'm assuming that the "Annabel spat" is the way she spoke? If so, after "goal" should be a comma and not a full stop because it's a speech tag and they require commas instead of full stops.

"she greeted the caller and jumped up" - feels like "jumped up" should be swapped around with "she greeted the caller" so that the "letting the driver know" part would fit better with the previous part of the sentence.

"why she was here. While her friend was at the flat" - because the sentence is linked to the previous one, there doesn't need to be a full stop there.

The prologue was bloody short but it fit nicely as it sort of prepared us for what this might evolve into and it also gave a sense of mystery because the character wasn't named. But if I'm honest, I'm not too keen on Annabel as a character. I dunno, she doesn't give me a whole lot of something to feel for her which some characters just don't.

I don't really have much to say on chapter one, I'm afraid. It served as a good opener for the character, but I guess there's just not a lot actually happening within the chapter that I could actually comment on. It was mostly mundane stuff and really, you can't comment on that. Oh, and I didn't realise Tanner was a bloke. I guess I just assumed he was a woman. My bad.

Okay so the layout... dying at Niall in that gif oh my god. It's fantastic.

I love the prologue. It sets the story up really well. I love that you don't give away who's present in that chapter. It adds a lot of mystery; which is perfect for a story such as this! I'm really intrigued to find out (or figure out) who was being written about. The only tiny typo I picked up on was this one: drawers could be heard being open and closed -- I'd change 'open' to 'opened'. Such a tiny thing - I know - but I figured I'd mention it!

I really liked that first chapter too. It wasn't too slow or too boring in the slightest; instead I'm glad that you didn't make the mistake of rushing into things. You set up the scene and Anna's character perfectly, and I really like how you subtly gave away details about her past and her persona, rather than giving away an all-out background or description. That's a pet peeve of mine, and I honestly think that you went about this chapter perfectly.

The bit about her mother's voice talking to her and the part with the photograph really stuck out to me. I'm assuming that something's happened with her parents, but with the way she told them (or the photograph) how angry she was with them makes me think that they're not dead but instead just not speaking for another reason.

After the first chapter I already really like Anna. She's a character that's easy to relate to because of her normality, but it's obvious that she has her own differences and flaws as well. I like the way you've set up the story. This is the first One Direction story I've read and I really like it. I like that you didn't introduce them straightaway, but instead opted to set up the story and the scene first. Awesome job. I don't know what you were worried about, you goose!

Keep the awesome stuff coming!

This was so great! Can I please just say that the banner is gorgeous? Like seriously, it's beautiful and it looks just like something you'd see on the cover of a teen magazine or something. Brilliant. I love the Annabel's character so far, I can definitely relate to having your dreams be dismissed by other people. Great story, I'm definitely subscribing!

I love chapter one, y'all update soon please!

More soon please :)
Oh Niall, that face!

god the layout for this is just so beautiful I can't even
I'M SO EXCITED TO READ THIS IT SOUNDS FAB
and niall in that gif is just perfection hi bb KUDOS to whoever chose that gif

ohhh. excited

AND THE GIF OF THEM SHAKING THEIR BUMS. hee hee