L.O.V.E. - Comments

"I’ll never forgive you for doing this to us."

Leander's thoughts are definitely in the blaming phase of mourning. Everyone mourns in different ways, but they all go through the phases and the fact that he's still in the blaming phase two years later shows that he is probably just as affected by his death still like his parents are, but the only difference is that they are showing it outwards while he's keeping it all inside. Which could spell all sorts of problems in the end.

I like how you've interweaved all four characters together. You've got the guy, the friend who has a crush on the guy, and then the guy's girlfriend, and then the friend and the girlfriend somehow get the wild card involved indirectly with the guy. Even though there's only four chapters so far, and they're all around one school day, you've set the scene for drama to come from all of them, as well as establishing the links between the four characters that make up the perspectives of the story. You don't try and make them complicated, which is a good thing because having one complicated character is bad enough, but four would have just turned me right off the story altogether (and by complicated I don't mean their individual plots or anything like that - it's like where the author intentionally makes them overly, overly complicated just to make them "unique" which ends up failing).

I actually think I was going to read this the other week. When I'm on my phone I tend to look through stories, subscribe to them and then check out the summary when I'm on my laptop. To be honest, at that time the summary didn't appeal to me which is why I unsubscribed. I guess I didn't bother to think through the significance of it, but that's probably because I only glance at summaries and don't often give them any real thought. So that was totally ignorant of me.

Hey.

This is so beautifully written. The first chapter was so sad, almost a perfect start. I can really relate to Lee’s feelings. And I really want to know why Talon had to do this to himself (I haven’t read all chapters yet). You really have a way of gripping readers. Great job so far! Keep it up.

Your layout is really pretty too. Amazing work overall.

Love this!!

I love this so much, please most more like today? I love Oliver's character. I love how he's so conflicted yet he just goes along with everything that's happening to him. This is so amazing and well written!

I quite enjoy this story, so thank you very much for sharing it with me.

Leander is an intriguing character to me, he has this bittersweet sense about him. His views on a grave site are very real to me, but at the same time I find that it's anger ridden as well that Talon shouldn't be remember by a gravestone. And maybe even guilt is there too since he saw the struggles his brother faced.

Its also nicely written, a perfect narrative for someone of Leander's age. There's attitude and bitterness and honesty as well, excellent work!

Truly great piece here.

I am going to attempt to leave another comment without mucking it up haha. I like how the second chapter is coming along but it confused the living hell out of me because I wish I new more about Danny haha. Anyways, great fun of a read I would say

This got me right away. Immediately you began to characterize Leander with that first sentence about him being a simple boy. I knew Leander would be an interesting character and reading through, I was right. He has such an fascinating thought process and you characterize him so well in this story. I love that.

Then the actual plot is intriguing, and I haven't seen anything like it before. It really pulled me in and I wanted to keep reading. Your writing style is unique and it isn't boring. You have a knack for storytelling. This story has so much potential. Keep writing!

I've only read one chapter and I'm hooked. Youve written this so well. The melancholy, the stillness and regret is captured so perfectly. I read from beginning to end without faltering and that's what I love about good stories. It's also very realistic. I'm suscribing! Nice job =) x

@ born-free thank you!

@ Draw 1 it's fine lol thank you for the comment i'm glad you like it so far

Sorry internets being stupid and multible comments popped up.... Dont i feel stupid now...

This story really speaks out in different forms. Mostly in emotion is what I am grasping form the story, but the words also show a little foreshadowing as well from what I get anyways. The chapter was well written and there were no mistake that pooped out, but i could be wrong as well because I wasn't paying an awful amount od attention to any mistakes. In general in apwas a great chapter and i cant wait to see more chapters!

This story really speaks out in different forms. Mostly in emotion is what I am grasping form the story, but the words also show a little foreshadowing as well from what I get anyways. The chapter was well written and there were no mistake that pooped out, but i could be wrong as well because I wasn't paying an awful amount od attention to any mistakes. In general in apwas a great chapter and i cant wait to see more chapters!

This story really speaks out in different forms. Mostly in emotion is what I am grasping form the story, but the words also show a little foreshadowing as well from what I get anyways. The chapter was well written and there were no mistake that pooped out, but i could be wrong as well because I wasn't paying an awful amount od attention to any mistakes. In general in apwas a great chapter and i cant wait to see more chapters!

Really loved the wording btw lol

This story really speaks out in different forms. Mostly in emotion is what I am grasping form the story, but the words also show a little foreshadowing as well from what I get anyways. The chapter was well written and there were no mistake that pooped out, but i could be wrong as well because I wasn't paying an awful amount od attention to any mistakes. In general in apwas a great chapter and i cant wait to see more chapters!

"You’d think it’d be filled in two years but no. There’s a huge Talon shape hole right in the middle."
THIS LINE. So great.
Love it so far. :)