August 5th, 2013 at 07:17am
This story definitely packed a punch from the very beginning of the story. A lot of information is thrown at you and the chaotic events leaves the reader wanting more and more of Ryder and Caden. Speaking of these characters, I love their unique names and established friendship from the start.
I AM a bit biased because I do love creatures of the night a lot myself and find them endlessly intriguing, but I think you have a great, eventful piece here that's full of potential.
There are only two things that I didn't like about this magnificent story. First off, the layout is nice but the link color is IMPOSSIBLE to read. had to highlight both the summary and chapter link just to be able to read it and locate where the story was. I highly suggest changing that color. In addition, a lot of your sentences were choppy. I understand that said choppiness is used for effect in the story, but I think you are overusing it and causing the scenes that need the effect to lose it due to redundantness.
Overall, I think this is one of the best beginning to a story I have ever seen on my three years of mibba because it has such an enticing beginning. I think you've got a great story here that will go a lot of places. Great job :D!
Oh, thank you love! ^^
I know my link colors were terrible e.e I am trying to edit them to the theme right now. I didn't notice that until I posted it so I felt so stupid xD
My choppy sentences will be edited and fixed as well. It was just a quick chapter until I had more time to sit down and bring a few sentences here and there together to make it flow better. I was on a pretty busy schedule today so I kind of rushed the prologue e.e