A Wise Girl - Comments

I have this story for a comment swap, so I'll be back. But for now, I think this story is amazing and is the first story that I've read from a swap that I actually enjoy!

"Rebecca Black repulsive." I laughed at this! I love Tuesdays personality. The opening quote is amazing. I love the way this was written, you have a talent! I'm glad you decided to write! It's definitely one of your stronger points. I have to say, though the layout is nice, it seems kind of bunched together. Maybe try a different, lighter layout? Like @Msholli08 said, you might want to consider re-wording a few things, and working on your grammatical errors (which was very few). This was a good read! I hope you update soon!

The opening quote was awesome. It definitely helped me get a feel for where this story is going and who Tuesday is. You're very descriptive and it really helps with the development of the characters. I loved the humor in it and the way you write really helps me develop emotions and feelings for these characters. I did notice a couple misspellings but I do the same thing all the time. I know when you look at your own writing for so long you tend to over process and overlook the details. I really enjoyed this, and I can't wait to read more. You might want to consider how you word certain things, there were a couple of times I got a little confused and had to re-read the sentence again. The ending to chapter one made me laugh. The way you worded everything really made you feel for Elliot. It’s like he cares so much about her but is afraid, just like she is. Great job with everything!

(Here from Le Comment Swap.)

Well first your summary made me laugh with your 'asshole' boy thing. It did seem like this was going to be a little bit predictable though, then when I started to read I was more or less proved wrong. Which is obviously good. Your characters are quite interesting, and definitely likable. Tuesday is so sassy, I really liked that. The opening quote was cute, you don't often see something like that. I think the story flows pretty well, and the description you give isn't overpowering or anything, so kudos for that. There are places where I think you could have shortened sentences, the seem to run on a little too long, but I myself am guilty of doing that, so don't worry. Overall I liked it, it kept me interested throughout and the first chapter has a fantastic ending! Good work.

I love the opening quote from Marilyn Monroe, and even more so I love the comparison you made between the narrator and the "complete sex symbol." I like the slightly vague descriptions for certain things because it provides an air of mystery, something I definitely love in a story. Though just hoping to help out a tiny bit: some sentences are slightly confusing and run on, though I wouldn't worry too much about that because the story plot is great. I definitely love the imagery you provide when introducing the characters, though! The descriptions are pretty fabulous and I can picture the characters in my mind (who are by the way gorgeous, or I think so at least). But the ending to the first chapter, ahh the heart skipping a beat! So perfect.

(Comment Swap)

First off your summary scared me a bit. I was worried this was a cliché supernatural love triangle story. And although that may be the basis of your plot, this is anything but cliché. The last paragraph of your summary was amazingly written and I was instantly hooked. I think you really did a good job at fleshing out your characters in the first couple of chapters. You really focused on their interactions instead of just dialogue which is refreshing to see. Your descriptions were nice and your grammar wasn't too bad. I see a whole lot of potential from this story and I like that you aren't harboring into any of the clichés that could have taken over this story you are really making it unique and enjoyable to read, keep up the good work!

Ugh just from your SUMMARY I was hooked on your story! That's talent! All your characters are likable and relatable in their own way, and I truly adore that about your story. Your imagery is absolutely unreal, you are such a natural writer. Every story I write, I give the characters cool names. People tend to hate me for it, they think it's "unrealistic", but my opinion is, if you have the opportunity to choose their names, why not make them something worth remembering! I am infatuated with the names you've chosen, and I'm a real sucker for love triangles :) Tuesday is now my favorite name, thank you very much ;D I've honestly re-read your summary at the beginning eleven times now, it's just so so so so good.

God Bless!!

xoxo

Olivia

Lovely story! Your descriptions are great, helping me really picture everything that is going on. Also, I can't help but love a love triangle story c:
I cannot wait for the next chapter!

Lovely story! Your descriptions are great, helping me really picture everything that is going on. Also, I can't help but love a love triangle story c:
I cannot wait for the next chapter!

Comment swap! :)

Hi there! I really like this story and cannot wait for the next addition! :D
I love the characters! The goofy, lovable boys and the tough, hard to reach girl. It really makes for a great story.
I feel like you use wonderful imagery in your descriptive paragraphs, it's very easy to imagine each character's attributes, both physical and personality wise. (ie. eyes like the sky in a snowstorm, eyes like sand at dusk). I do agree with the other commenters, though. The descriptions are a little too listy, despite the fantastic string of similes.
And, to be SUPER picky, there are like a few VERY minor grammar/spelling mistakes, but they have no effect on the overall experience, so I wouldn't worry about them! :)
Keep writing! This is lovely! <3

Okay, the prospect of a good love triangle gets me really excited. I'm a sucker for drama, so I can't wait to see if any sort of drama comes out of the whole Elliot like Tuesday but Tuesday likes Blaydon thing! So super exciting.
Tuesday is a really sassy character and I really liked that about her. It made her so much more interesting and relatable, because she isn't just this cut and dry character with no personality that falls flat in the story. She's unique and I like that! I think you have a really great story so far!

This is good! You seem to have an interesting idea and I'm excited to see how you'll continue. The summary is a bit long for my personal taste and the last sentence of it didn't make sense to me.

I liked the description you put into the paragraph about the quirks however it really is just a long list of this about the main character that could be really great development points and details strewn throughout the story instead of laying it all out there in the first chapter.
It could get a bit tiring if the "not your average girl" thing continues throughout the story. I think having it in there once or twice is enough because when it comes down to it the reader doesn't expect to read a story about an average girl because then there wouldn't be a story.

Overall I like it and I think it has a lot of potential.

Comment swap
Okay, this story good. But, is hard to grab the attention, people's don't like to read things that look too long. You should shorten your paragraphs to make it more appealing to the eye. Also in the second paragraph, you have a lot of unnecessary sentences. You could put three or four of the descriptions inn a sentence and then give a little thing showing how that works in her life. Other than that I really like it.

Comment swaaaaap!

Firstly, I loved the part that I read. It seemed well written, and I loved the way she talked like a punk. However, I couldn't read it all because the text on the background hurt my eyes and the paragraphs should have been spread apart, as it would make it easier to read. Also, there are some grammatical errors, especially in the summary. I hope you add more, I think I could get into it later. Keep up the amazing work!