Grave - Comments

I’m here as the new judge for the ‘That One Story’ contest.

This is a really, really intriguing story—like I desperately want more of it now. I want to know the backstory more, I want to know Cam more, I want to see this world she lives in and whether or not it’s apocalyptic or this is an isolated thing (but kind of guessing not considering the entire scene with Odreaux/Billy implies that this is just what they do), I want to see how this disease works and what it does so I understand why Lauren had to be put down because of this infection. I want to know everything because whatever it is you’re creating is fascinating. It’s dark and morbid and so promising. I really want you to continue this.

On top of having such an interesting concept, your writing style is fantastic. Sometimes that ‘blunt-and-short-sentences’ style doesn’t work well because I often feel like there’s something missing; details or emotions or something. It’s hard to give the readers everything they need when the prose is so sharp and brusque, but I think you did something amazing with it. I connected to Cam and I felt so strangely disoriented in chapter two, but not in the way that I had no idea what was happening. Despite having such an offhand style, I feel like I walked away with paragraphs upon paragraphs of details simply because of how you executed everything. In a way, you actually reminded me of Will Christopher Baer and his neo-noir book, Kiss Me, Judas. His writing style is also very abrupt yet sharp and detailed, and at times, disorienting and oddly hypnotizing at the same time.

I just really loved this a lot and I would love to read more, so fantastic job!

@ born-free
You're welcome!

@ Write.with.Love
Ah, it's awesome! Especially the biohazard symbol! Thanks!

@ born-free
Great! I just posted one. Just go to Stories and then click on layouts. I named it Viral Grave (for born-free); you can determine if that's close to something you like or not. Just tell how to fix it. :)

@ Write.with.Love
Wow, thanks, I'm glad you liked it. :) I would LOVE a layout! I'm totally clueless with it atm...

I just wanted to see how you were doing and saw you had posted a story! This is amazing. You should enter it into the Mibba Health Story contest (even though it's probably not an existing sickness, but still.) Would you like me to make a layout for you?