Murder - Comments

I’m here as the new judge for the ‘That One Story’ contest.

I like the premise of this. It’s very old-school horror movie, which I really like because I’m such a fan of them. There’s nothing more nostalgic than a good murder-mystery starting at a party. I do like that you kept alcohol out of the picture by Sydney’s request. I definitely feel like there’s way too many inebriated people during these moments in movies and books, so I actually loved the little touch of sobriety, as little of a detail as it was. Everyone’s distrust and questioning of each other was very realistic, as well. Even the best of friends would turn on each other. I definitely have my suspicions because I definitely think it was someone within the group, but I don’t think it’s Jaime.

I do think that you could have been a little more detailed in some places and you could have introduced the characters a little bit better because I didn’t really connect with Sydney (who is supposed to be the narrator), but I know that it’s only six chapters in and you might have intentions of doing that more as it goes on. That’s the only little bit of criticism I have about the writing because the quick pace of the story works well with the momentum of the content.

But as for technicality errors, you had some misspellings/grammatical mistakes, like using ‘to’ instead of ‘too’ a few times and ‘wane’ instead of ‘want’ in the first chapter. You should definitely read over your chapters or have an editor help you since we’re our own worst editors. That way you can avoid little hiccups that distract the readers such as something as pesky as spelling errors.

So I’m definitely intrigued and I think this story has the promise to be a really good take on a classic kind of storyline!

I hope my comments aren't annoying, but this is just the best mystery I have read on mibba so far, have been searching for a story like this forever and finally found it :) Love it! :)

Oh my gosh!! I don't know who it could have been! I love that they are all trapped builds the suspense! I actually love this already!! :)

I really like it so far :) Can't wait to read more :)

Sounds like a great story! Can't wait for more! :)