Fusion - Comments

@ radiant.
Hey there, it's been awhile since I last came on this site. I just stumbled across my story and I'm thinking if I should continue writing this story or drop it lol. Do you all think I should continue ? I mean I do have some amazing twists planned but Oh well.

(Comment swap reader)
Hello! Firstly, I rather enjoy the clever reversal of "occult" for the town's name. However, as Kaaren stated, the story is a tad confusing, I had to read over a few parts. My best suggestion for that and the grammatical errors would be to look into getting a beta. However, I do rather enjoy the idea of supernatural beings clashing with The Night's Eye. The idea for the werebear is creative as well. I also enjoyed the twist at the end of chapter one. Can't wait to see you improve and continue writing dude!

Hello Wishful. Thinker.,
I've fixed up some errors thank you for taking the time to read and comment!

Hey!

[Comment Swap Reader]
Just a few pointers; I agree with Kaaren - the story’s a little confusing, jumping over smaller details that would help explain to the reader what’s happening, as starting in a middle of a story (or that’s what it seems like - with little to no introduction of the characters and their personalities/past) it can confuse the reader and help them to loose interest! :( I was a little confused on how to pronounce Haytham’s name, but that could just be me :) I feel you have a lot of ideas for this story plot, and I encourage the eccentric and non-comercial story line! With a few spelling mistakes to fix, and a thorough read-through by another (either a friend or a Beta!) I believe this story has great potential and you shouldn’t be disheartened! :)

Keep writing and let me know when you’ve fixed it!
x

Hey there Kareen,

Thank you for reading and commenting I really appreciate it, I fixed up some of the errors you mentioned thanks again !

I’m sorry. But I didn’t find it interesting or sophisticated. You should try harder and harder. The layout is distracting and the story itself is confusing. I didn’t understand anything; although, I read very thoroughly. I’m just trying to be honest. I don’t want to offend you or something. I just think you should put more time and effort into your work.
Here are some of the errors I found.
Errors:
"This small town has very calm weather" said John as Haytham just finished washing the dishes at his uncles bistro. (uncles=uncle’s)
…to his suprise it was his good friend Rex. (suprise=surprise)
"Oh hey Rex, whats up ?" Haytham asked curiously. (whats=what’s)
Haytham let's out a big growl and starts growing…(let’s-lets)
He stood 9 ft , growing 3 ft…(I’m not sure if it’s correct to use abbreviations-ft=feet)

"Boy, you're a sight for sore eyes" said Rex relievedly. (‘relievedly is an incorrect adverb)
Haytham recognised one of the hunters in the group patrolling, he was a Captain in the hunters ranks… (After ‘patrolling’ you’ve put a comma. That makes the structure a run-on sentence, which is a mistake. You should put a period)

@ SadieJBlue

Hey Sadie,

Thanks for reading and commenting I really appreciate it ! I kind of added only 3 of the characters on the character function, put a bit of a backstory and description.
I'd really like if you'd read it and tell me how it is.
Thanks again!

Comment Swap :)

Hello, firstly I love the whole look and vibe you get from reading this story. The layout works well creating a spooky supernatural feel.
I take it you fixed up the errors from the previous comments? Because if you haven't they didn't bother me.
My suggestions would be that too many sentences start with a characters name, also, I would very much like early descriptions of what the characters looked like and acted like, perhaps some backing stories or defining traits as well. As a reader, I struggled to get to know them because there wasn't much about them beside their names. I think you're on the right lines, you just need to slow down the pace for a moment to take the time to
paint the pictures of your characters.

Best wishes, Sadie x

@ VeronaViridian

Hello Verona,

It seems that you like the same genres as i do, I love Supernatural!
Thanks for the feedback and being supportive, I really appreciate it. Ill fix up the errors and might post another chapter later on, once again thanks! :)

@ Starlight.Girl.Hina
Hello,

Thanks for reading and commenting, i really appreciate it.
Ill try my best to edit it and fix up the errors. Thanks again. :)

Hey there!

I love the story so far! I am loving the concept, as I am a die hard fan of Grimm, Once Upon a Time, and Supernatural (just a beginner with this one, though!) I really do love anything fantasy/fairytale related! I see that the previous comment has addressed the minor grammatical errors. Yes, you do have some, but they are easily fixable! I would love to read more. Count me as a fan, as I have already subscribed to your story!

Keep on writing . .

~ Verona :)

While this was a good premise, and a good storyline, I had a major problem concentrating on reading this story because the story was riddled with grammar errors and the paragraphs being clumped together with no double space really makes it hard to read. and the brightness of the white text against black was making the words run together. Maybe make the font color a bit more faded or darker? And get a beta reader or someone else to look over your work. Other than that, this was a great start.:)