Butterfly Collector - Comments

@ dougie poynter;
I don't usually get comments, so thank you very much :)

I'm here judging the Drabble Away entries!

As with most of the other stories in your contest, the layout is very simple and I like that. I'm glad that you chose to have the background as an off-white because sometimes too much white can cause my eyes to go funny. Simple, readable and incorporates your photograph well.

I like that you veered completely away from every expectation that I had of the image. You've went in the opposite direction from what I expected and that's nice. Like sobre mi cadaver said, I like that you hint at slash but don't have that as the main focus of the story. It's just everyday life and I love that. I like the whole comparison of Oliver to the endangered butterfly. It's a really interesting concept and it tells you a lot about him - he's beautiful and fragile and all of the other things that come with being among the last of your kind. I almost get the impression that Lucy is looking over him, protecting him from any harm.

All in all, your description is very delicate and intricate, but it works beautifully within the context of the piece. It reminds me of the butterfly that you're comparing him to and that's a really subtle thing, but also a really lovely thing. It's one of these tiny little details that just makes me smile because you've weaved it in between your words and it just adds that little bit more to your description. Your wording is simply beautiful, everything flows perfectly and I'm in love with your grasp on description, really.

Spelling and grammar-wise, the only thing I could notice was in this sentence:

...because Olli Thompson is a rare butterfly an endangered species trapped in her collection between the mind and the heart.

I think there should be a comma between butterfly and endangered, but that's all I noticed.

In conclusion, I really think this was an interesting and beautiful way to interpret this photograph. You write beautifully and your style lends itself very well to the content of this drabble.

I'll be announcing the winners by the 15th, so keep your eyes peeled. Good luck!

@ sobre mi cadaver
thank you very very much

I like to divide my comments in sections because it helps me focus on the different details on stories, so please bare with me while I do this.

Title
I wasn't quite sure what your title meant so I researched it and the species of butterfly that you are comparing Oli with came out, Karner Blue butterflies, an endangered specie indeed. It is a beautiful title that hints perfectly with the simile that you're using as your plot inside the content of the story.

Layout
I really like simple layouts with soft colors and a simple banner; I loved yours because it has this foggy-like feeling that reflects the type of feeling I was getting from your writing, foggy, like a memory that passed some time ago, but that you still hold on to it. It has a nice effect when combining it with the content.

Content
I loved the subtle hint of slash in your story; it's beautiful and I love it that it is not the central plot for it; I've read many slash stories and the plot tends to always be the homosexual relationship, but never the relationship itself. The first line of the story was what really set the mood for me, that foggy feeling that I described earlier in my comment is what I got from it; it's a beautiful feeling and it made me long for that touch that you describe.

I also love how you compare this man with this endangered butterfly, fragile to the touch; the narrator is clearly concerned that he might hurt him, but he's still in awe, admiring his beauty. It is a beautiful comparison.

Overall
I absolutely loved your story; it's short and simple, but it's full with meaning and gorgeous emotions that you can detect if you read through it carefully.