Sleepwalking - Comments

Hallo~ I’m here to judge for the ‘Original Fiction M/M Contest’.

I actually remember reading this a while ago and loving it, but it had been so long that I couldn’t quite remember the details anymore. Reading it over definitely wasn’t a disappointment.

I still loved everything about this one-shot. I loved the emotionality, the bluntness of your prose, the narrative, the way you gave me brief flashbacks to fill in the holes and have the past meet the present. I think I loved all of these things a little bit more this time around. One of my absolute favorite thing about this was definitely the way you wrote it. Your writing style is brusque, but not lacking detail or depth at all—which is a hard thing in of itself to do. There were layers of complexity to this piece that I was aware of and felt the entire way through, starting with Jay’s mourning and spreading out to anger, to guilt, to sadness and disappointment, then it was like it came full circle to that unconditional love because of Kevin and Jay. I loved when Jay’s mom admitted to Neil’s faults and told him that it was time to wake up. I just loved that moment so so so much.

I love that the title had more than one meaning tied into the content.

And I love that it was a happy ending! Well not happy, per say, but it wasn’t tragic either. It was getting there, it was a start to getting better and moving on. I get so overwhelmed by unhappy endings in LGBT+ fic that I just get so immensely happy when sure, there’s angst but there’s also a happy ending and a lot of love. Even at the beginning, when the angst was at its height, I still felt an unwavering love when Kevin took him back to bed.

This one is just so good and so pure, I love it so much. Fantastic job!

I LOVE THIS:D

You're just so good at this omfg.

It’s riddled with holes; scarred by gashes in the sides from many too good nights out. And a few fucking terrible nights out.

But it’s mine. And it’s his. And not yours.
Already with the sad You don't pull any punches


“Were you sleepwalking again?”

“No. I just needed to-”

“Why is the water running?”

“Oh.”

I frown as I realise it’s still pounding through the rusted pipes, even splashing onto my feet. You just shake your head, walk over and twist the handle off.

Hands on my waist, my back up against your chest, and you kiss my neck.

“Come back to bed,” you whisper and I just nod.
The imagery I love it I LOOOOOVE IT

“I’ll be back soon, little bro.”
Brother love seriously hurts me more than any other kind of love, I don't know why but it huuuuuuuurts

“Forget it,” you say and chuck a box in the cart.

I go and wait by the car like a child. Because lately that’s what I am to you.
I can feel the tension in my shoulders what are you doing to me

I pick up my plate and throw it against the wall.

I can hear you jump in your seat, and the spaghetti seeps down the wall.

I pretend I don’t hear you crying when I leave.

It's so matter of fact like he's trying not to acknowledge all of that emotion, like he's running from it, it's so real

I was nine years old when we left, and we lasted almost three years on our own.
Just so sad

“Neil, what are you doing here?” I hiss.

“C’mon, little bro. I need somewhere to crash,” he slurs.

“You can’t stay here,” I tell him and his face drops. Suddenly he’s crying. And he’s screaming at me. And beating his hands against my chest.

“Haven’t you fucked up my life enough? Just leave me alone, Neil,” I say, push him off me, then slam the door in his face.

He was found in a park the next day.
SEE THE THING IS I THOUGHT THAT THE PAIN HAD HIT IT'S PEAK I THOUGHT THAT IT COULDN'T GET ANY DEEPER OR SHARPER BUT NO HERE IT IS HERE IS THE EPITOME OF ALL THE AGGGGGOOOOONYYYYYYY

“You were right. I need help.”
That one little thing is so powerful, unf.

“I…I’m ready to wake up.” That one too


You still taste like cinnamon sugar, and use the same brand of aftershave I got you for Christmas a few years ago. Your fingers still like to trace up and down my bare spine, making me shiver. Your dark hair still falls in your eyes when you lay on your side and I remember why you’re so important.

“I love you,” I say.
And I like how it's not perfect but it's getting better like I love that so much

write me all the boy love okay