Mommy Dearest - Comments

wow this was really great. i loved it a lot. such a twist at the end :)
but the left side is kind of hard to read.

Wow, this story was simply amazing. Yeah, what I want to say has already been said a few times, but I just had to give you props on this. I'm a big freak on detail, but this is one of those rare, few stories that sound good without it. Great job.

-alex

I saw your sig and thought I had to read this. I'm glad I did. =) It was awesome, I dind't expect that to happen. have you seen uninvited? It's kind of similar.
If your wondering why I thought that I had to read it it's because I have a story called 'Daddy Dearest' =P

"Fourteen years, for fourteen years you have been pushing me around. I'm not your puppet. I'm not you and I'm tried of trying to be."

Incredible. I have no more words to describe this amazing written piece. This part made it even more realistic; the confrontation with her mother and out of a sudden the readers learning that the mother was gone long time ago. A perfect combination of a life of an abused teenager and how it inflicted emotional pain throughout her entire life, leaving her with a perfectly portrayed schizophrenia.

Holy crap!
This was.......
Hmmm
This was....screw it I'm gonna say it, this was perfect!
every single aspect about it was amazing; luring me in to read more,

"Honey, it's all in your head. Your mother is gone my dear. She died two years ago, don't you remember? She's dead. My dear, it's gotten too far. You keep hurting yourself when you fail. My dear, you don't have to be perfect. I love you no matter what." My grandmother kissed my head as she try to control the bleeding with my bed sheets."

My heart literally skipped a beat when I read that, you deserved to come 2nd, hell I think you should of come first!
Good job. :thumbup:

This story blew my mind.
I adored how at the end the mother had actually died.
What's sad about this story is that it could actually happen.
"Fourteen years, for fourteen years you have been pushing me around. I'm not your puppet. I'm not you and I'm tried of trying to be." was a really good line.
Your story sort of reminded me of the book "it" by Dave Pelzer.
The fact that you sometimes didn't even write out in-depth about what the mother was doing to her made it all the more real.
The ending was awesome.
I couldn't say that enough.
I didn't realize that the mother wasn't even inflicting the pain. I had to read it twice.

Bravo for second place =]

I didn't expect that.. whoa.
that was amazing.

I remember reading this along time ago, but I never commented on it! I feel so bad for doing that.

And, what everyone else said, I agree with Sheepy. That was an amazing one-shot. And I really loved that twist at the end. Never saw it coming! :twisted:

I agree with Filistata, Sheepy took the words right out of my mouth hah. Still, this was a really good story. Great writing and a wicked twist at the end. Can't wait to read your other stories. :)

I know this was written in May, but I had to comment. Sheepy said everything I wanted to say, haha. But this was really, really good. Brilliant. My jaw literally dropped at the end. Sooo not expecting a twist like that, and I love it when stories surprise me like that.

You're a really good writer. :mrgreen:

aweshum =D

Hey, welcome to mibba.

Perfection is irrelevant to the rest of society, but not to me. Ever since I was a little girl, there was only person I feared: my mother. The reason being, she never let me experience mistakes. Perfection was everything for her.

This is a good start to the story, you manage to introduce the two characters well, as well as giving away some of their personality. From what you say here, it seems that the daughter didn't always thing perfection was the be-all and end-all, but that she was influenced, and heavily so, by her mother. Well, I guess some say that parents live through their kids, but I suppose this is taking it to something of an extreme, because lets face it, perfection is something that can never be achieved. And so she will never be able to reach that standard.

She had our parents come in. Of course my mother was there, putting on a show as a high lady. She nodded and told my teacher that she will talk to me and explain when I should talk and when I should not. When she looked over her shoulder, I was in her viewpoint. I simply hung my head. She flung her pocketbook over her shoulder and gave me her hand. I simply grabbed it, I was five years old.

The tiny piece you added at the end, the fact that the girl was five, gives an entire new perspective to this section. I mean, you can almost begin to understand a parent getting mad at bad behavious at an older age, but the kid is five, it's like, the perfect picture of innocence. And yet the mother still can't seem to understand that, and those two things combined serve to make the next part all the more shocking.

It happened quickly, but it felt like it took forever. The leather made a snap when it hit me. My father was coming through the door and he saw me. He simply looked down; he knew my mother was not going to stop until she was done.

The fact you don't elaborate into the pain the mother was inflicting works really well, because the action in itself is strong enough for us to be able to visualise it without you even needing to go into detail. And the fact that even the father can't, and perhaps more importantly, won't stop the mother shows how controlling she is, and not just to the daughter. So I doubt it'd've made much difference after the father had passed away. She hadn't stopped craving perfection for her daughter when he was there, she wouldn't've stopped when he was gone.

My life pretty much stayed the same until freshman year of high school. I was that girl in the back of the classroom. I did not talk, but I had ideas. I did not know if they were good or not but inside was constantly at conflict. In high school, I cared about my grades more than anything else. I really did not have a social life because of my mother.

This part, more than most of it, shows the adverse effect her mother has had on her. Every aspect of her life revolves around the unattainable perfection her mother longs for, and everything around that is spurred on by the knowledge of punishment if that standard was not always met. And so she's consumed by it. They both are. Even with the exams, the mother is constantly pushing. It almost makes you wonder why the mother is like that, what happened to her to make her such a huge perfectionist. And how it continues, getting worse and worse and having her keep taking it and taking it until, as with all eventuality, something snaps in her, and she takes no more.

"Fourteen years, for fourteen years you have been pushing me around. I'm not your puppet. I'm not you and I'm tried of trying to be.

I think this was the best part of the dialogue; the beginning of it. Short and to the point. And the next bit was a very unexpected surprise as well;

"Honey, it's all in your head. Your mother is gone my dear. She died two years ago, don't you remember? She's dead. My dear, it's gotten too far. You keep hurting yourself when you fail. My dear, you don't have to be perfect. I love you no matter what."

It's not even her mother doing it?!?!
I would have actually never expected that. Bravo for ruling at creating twists.
So maybe the effect her mother had was so powerful, it didn't even need her alive. Her presence was still powerful enough to drive the daughter over the edge, to destruction, to that pursuit of perfection herself.

My mother had the last laugh. All I could do is go with my grandmother and look at my mother. "I'll listen, don't worry, I'll listen, mommy dearest."

It's like this perfection has driven her totally insane, to the point where she can't let go of what's already been. that she can't get the figure of her mother out of her head. Great ending, refreshingly unexpected.

This was cool.