Saudade - Comments

Hello! I'm here to comment on le story!

Summary - Marcel and Maisie sound adorable ^_^ BUT OH MY GOD THAT LAST SENTENCE NOW I'M CONFUSED! But intrigued >:)

Chapter 1 - Hmm. Maisie does sound like a boring person but for some reason I like her. She still is very detailed so that lets me (and other readers) know you did that on purpose and it wasn't because of lack of character development. Props for this!

Aww Marcel sounds adorable. I can only imagine how awkward his comb-over really is though.

OOOH A POV SWITCH!

I'm really liking how your details make it so easy to assume that Marcel likes Maisie. I think this is an excellent example of "show don't tell".

Marcel's question about which pasta sauce to use is definitely the real question!

Chapter 2 - First paragraph in and I already know Maisie and I are practically the same person.

Ryan's food experiments sound terrifying *shudder*

UGH MARCEL Y U SO CUTE?!?

Chapter 3 - Dear God. Quincy is exactly like one of my friends. She's always trying to get me to meet guys ._.

NO! SHE ASSUMED THE WRONG THING ABOUT MARCEL NO NO NO!!!

She's starting to like Luke :'( But she and Marcel are going to be my OTP. It'll be a thing.

Marcel's POV in this chapter broke my heart. He's such a cute awkward man. I think he deserves some love.

Unfortunately, whenever I try to get to Chapter 4, Mibba decides to not load it and leads me to some "disconnected" page or whatever it's called. But I have to say that I definitely loved what I read so far! Usually I'm not big on romances but there's something about this one that made me love it so much. Marcel is a cutie, Maisie is intriguing, Harry seems hilarious along with Quincy, Ryan seems strange and I don't know about Luke since I wasn't able to read much about him. Your details are exquisite. I love this narration too, seeing both actions and the thoughts running through the characters' heads. I have to give you major props because you wrote present tense so well. Usually some writers have trouble with this. I didn't see any mistakes and there's nothing that I found nitpick-worthy.

This is honestly one of the best stories I've read on Mibba. Hopefully Chapter 4 loads soon so I can read more!

oh marcel. i love you, even if maisie doesn't notice how awesome and wonderful you are.

oh no this can only end badly
but i still love you marcel

chapter two

hmm forgot to comment on present tense BUT GURL YA DO IT FINE YA? KEEP UP DA GOOD WORK

netflix is god getcha head in the game

really single as in desperate single or really single as in no friends single (cause im really single too ya feel?)

take the frikin dog in ya fak youre a free spirit do as you please

MARCEL YOU'RE SO AWKWARD AND CUTE ILU
but i bet your brothers hotter let him have me

yes yes great great i feel the restaurant and i can imagine it yes yes i ♥ this

chapter two

hmm forgot to comment on present tense BUT GURL YA DO IT FINE YA? KEEP UP DA GOOD WORK

netflix is god getcha head in the game

really single as in desperate single or really single as in no friends single (cause im really single too ya feel?)

take the frikin dog in ya fak youre a free spirit do as you please

MARCEL YOU'RE SO AWKWARD AND CUTE ILU
but i bet your brothers hotter let him have me

yes yes great great i feel the restaurant and i can imagine it yes yes i ♥ this

caput unus (? supposed to be like italian or something i forget)
chapter one

yes yes this is nice i like this u start off ur chapters like me with the morning routine i like that yes yes i enjoy yes

though i'm like strict on description and stuff i kinda feel as if lack-of description fits contemporary u feel

i like the way you word stuff yes yes
and how everyone likes everyone
and the sudden transition yesssssssss pov switching for the win (though it would have been like a hit if you didnt even have a page break there and switched i'da been like WOA)

gurl gotta get her shit togetha mhmmm somethins up i can feel it in my bones hm

harry should fix his lil tude he got goin on here hmmm he should go to military school hmmm i wonder if he makes love in this story he seems attractive i'd like to imagine him naked

this is so adorable. i'm squealing. haha! :D

ahh marcel i love you

this is fab.
i love it so much.

I love this, so very much, already!

I already love this

THIS IS GOING TO BE SO GREAT THOUGH