January 14th, 2014 at 10:45am
@ yukinoshita yukino;
Thanks so much for that beautiful comment, now I'm tearing up xxx
Life in Colour - Comments
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October 2nd, 2013 at 06:14pm
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Nooooo! These kinds of stories always make me tear. D: Especially since you walk us through those special events in their life that go through beginnings, ups, downs, and endings. The way you made the whole thing read like a memory sets up the right vibe for the piece and I liked reading it. I think you used the concept of all the colors very well and the part where she shaved her head gave me this sad, vivid image.
Nice work with this one! :]October 2nd, 2013 at 06:09pm -
September 5th, 2013 at 11:31pm
I’d like to start off with the grammar and spelling. Throughout this story, you weren’t able to maintain pronoun consistency. If you choose to write the story in the first point of view, then let it remain throughout. If you choose to remain in second point of view, let it be throughout your story –the same goes with the third point of view as well.
Verb consistency should also be maintained. If you’d like to have it in past tense, let all the verbs as well as linking verbs remain in past tense. This wasn’t evident in your first paragraph. I think, since she passed away, it would have been better if it was in past tense.
There are a few sentences that were not constructed well. There were a few sentences wherein I misunderstood the message because the words were not arranged properly. I think it was the overuse of the conjunction ‘and’.
Yet, despite all of these, I found the story really touching and emotional for me. There was a deep connection you made between the characters which brought readers to tears. I enjoyed how he was able to narrate their life story together –that was both sweet and nostalgic for me.