Your Body - Comments

I'm here as a judge for First A7X Contest.

Even though the guy in A7X and sister of a band member story line has been done quite a bit, I think you did a very good job with it. I enjoyed that it was clear that Mandi had wanted Brian for a long time, but it wasn't like she was spending her days pining after him. And it wasn't like he suddenly loved her or something, they sorta just finally had sex, which they had both been waiting for. I also liked that you had little breaks between the smut in the story -- I find that smut can very super overwhelming if the story is just pure smut, but having the breaks between helped even it out a little and made it more of an enjoyable read. That's just a personal preference, of course.

I did wish there was a bit more in-depth description in the story, though. What I mean by that is choosing words and descriptions that give the reader more of an idea of what's happening and the ability to picture everything in a small amount of words, so you don't need to include a ton of description, but it still feels like you have a lot there and are giving the reader the full picture. Your sentence structure was also quite choppy which prevented the story from flowing as well as it could have. You used a lot of short sentences, and you have quite a few commas that cut your sentences in half in awkward places instead of allowing for a 'breath' in the sentence, which made the choppiness worse. I know this story is older, but it you were to come back to it, I would suggest taking a look at those things!

Overall though, I did enjoy this story. Thanks for entering!

Sigh. Read this again and FUCKING LOVE it still lol. If only it were true......

Ohmyjohnnyfuckingchrist!!! Phewwwww this story left me completely flustered!

@ xMandiblesx
your welcomes.
And thank you. So glad you loved it.

Oh sweet Jesus! That was so hot and amazing. Brian...just...mmmm. I really loved this story. I like how you added the me being Jimmy's sister bit and also the way Brian was dominant in parts. You really have a way with words and smut! I'm honored to have read this. Thanks so much! :)

@ AJ9
It means, I'll think about it yes.

@ xSweet.Afterlifex
Does that mean you'll think about it?

@ AJ9
Thanks? I'm glad you liked it. But yeah, I'll take that under advisement.

OMG that was so brilliant! You should really think seriously of writing more of this story. It's too good to stop there really xx