Just Words - Comments

I like this as a one shot actually. I feel like it would lose its point if you turn it into a chaptered story because of all the fluff you'd have to add to it. My suggestion to you (editing wise) would have to be watch how you use the word 'had' in some places it's a good word to use but in other places it's awkward and makes the sentence hard to read. Another thing is if I was you I'd fix the word wrap portion of whatever you're using to write in because as I was reading this I found the cut off sentences awkward too like you have at the end:

"One thing she found herself thinking about was her parents’ divorce. To avoid
feeling it, Sophie had tried to brush off the subject, pretending it didn’t matter much
to her. But while it wouldn’t matter so much in the future, as lots of successful
people came from single parent households; she knew it was important now,
relevant to her life at that point in time. She wondered why it happened, if her
parents had ever loved each other, and whether love was real."

The way the lines break off in the middle of a sentence makes it hard to follow. But the message behind this is incredible. It really makes you think about all the useless conversations you have and how they change your view of the world. My philosophy professor Dr. Roberts would have a field day with the notion of keeping to yourself unless you have something important to say. I love at the end how your main characters come together over things that they find important...you could even add a sentence about their common interests. I'm also glad you're main character found her belief in love that can over power the strength of just words.

Sorry this is such a long comment, but I really did enjoy your writing. I'll definitely read more, and if you do a chaptered story based off this I'd love to see how it works out.

@ little cthulhu
I'll definitely try that!

Oh, if you're looking for a cheap/free replacement for word check out Libre office! That's what I use and I completely love it, it's free, btw. I actually prefer it over word.

@ little cthulhu
Thank you! I'll look at it. I had to copy/paste it from something similar to a PDF but not quite, because I don't have word on this computer, so I think the formatting just got weird. I'll look at it.

Hmm, like the others have pointed out before me, the summary does need a little sprucing up, though nothing is wrong with having a short summary. Maybe you can go into a bit of what portions of her life is she going to be pondering on? Is it relationships, trust, family, friends, etc. This way we get a hint on what the story is going to take place around.

The format of the chapter is a bit weird, or maybe my browser. It's like in the middle of the sentence it stops and starts on the line below it, or was that done on purpose?

I love everything behind the story. Divorce for a child/teenager can be rough because they simply just don't know what's honestly going on and what will happen. But I love the boy, he's so... unique. And it's true, most conversations are just words with no deeper meaning. Great job!

Okay, I will say this I love the layout a lot. The main character Sophie is very easy to relate too. You do need to work on the summery some give it some more description. It's put together very well and Its an all around good piece thanks for sending me to this.

First up I love your layout, it's perfect! I have to say I agree with what the others are saying you definitely need to work on the summary because that is what will bring people to your story and want to read it... As for the story itself it was amazing, it's well written and flows well, as well as having hardly any grammatical errors which is good to see... I loved it, good job!

I really love this piece

I really like your layout. I know that's not really critiquing or anything, but I like a good, simple layout; helps me not get distracted. ;)

Hmmm... This was god. You write it very neatly, with little to no grammar mistakes, which makes it easy to read. However, how you have this chopped up, with those pretty dividers, makes it sort of difficult to... follow, I guess? Maybe you should try to fit it all together with some transitional sentences and such instead of breaking it up like that.

I think this is relatively, interesting, though. I like how you demonstrate Sophie's parents divorce. I think you do that quite well. I also think you give us a bit of character development in this as well, as Sophie is dealing with her parents separating and how she deals with the quiet boy. It's a little fast, but, nonetheless, it's good.

Overall, this was good. I like Sophie and I think her relationship with the very quiet boy will be very interesting. Good luck! :)

The start of this gripped me, made me think of so many kids in that position. In the adult world we see Divorce as such a common thing but to the kids that have to watch their parents argue and listen to them and such, to hear divorce is shattering and this story really captures that. But it's also nice to see the hope at the end of it, that she is determined to make sure she gets things right rather than letting them fall apart

I love how this shows the effects of divorce on the entire family. It's really well written and I really loved it.

I remember when my parents nearly got divorced :(
This was well written and you showing how divorce affects everyone and the child.

It's amazing how you used the title in this and I must say I have to agree:)

First off, I have to say that this is very well-written, as acknowledged by everyone before me. I like that you didn't waste so much time on describing the character's physical attributes...I feel that the way one truly connects with a character is through the personality and the thoughts of the person. So far, I'm loving the way you have portrayed both Sophie and the boy from her class. And this feels very realistic. I haven't experienced divorce personally; however, I have been with several friends through their parents' divorces and your portrayal was not trite and dramatic...it was honest. Kudos.

I'm very interested to see how this friendship will develop. Having known someone a lot like this boy, who didn't believe in wasting words, I know how difficult it can be to work on a friendship where there is very little casual conversation about nothing. It is definitely not a bad thing, and it definitely changes how one views other day-to-day chatter. =)

Overall, I like this already. I agree with purple89 and XXXataktoulaXXX that the summary needs to be revamped, but I also understand how difficult it is to do summaries. Mine are always too long, apparently. Ha ha!

I hope to read more of this soon!

This is incredibly well written and very moving. You're summary needs to change. This is a beautiful story. You shouldn't diminish it with a half assed summary. It's the first thing people see. You want to draw them in, not make them think you don't care about the story. Make the effort.

Divorce is never easy, i had to listen to my parents threaten each other with it for years. It take a toll on a person just hearing that that could possibly happen, far worse if it actually did. It's not just the parents' lives that are torn apart, it's the children too...sigh...

You have such a nice way with words. Not something that is easily done. I like the way you describe the group of girls Sophie went shopping with and how brutal they could be.

I absolutely love the line: “Don’t worry; these things are a part of life, Sophie. There are worse things happening, you’ll be fine.”
So nonchalant....it seemed harsh at first but it was very fitting for the way you portrayed his character.

I would have really liked a name for the boy though. I mean it goes well with the fact that he's so closed off and such but still, maybe thats just me.

All in all, this was beautiful and filled with emotions that were not only relatable but evolved over time. Sophie did not remain static in the aftermath of her parents' divorce. She ultimately evolved.

Excellent work.

@ Let Live Again;
Thank you! I'm glad that I was able to make this realistic.

Coming from a family in Real Life , My parents divorced and this is very well written. I kind of wish it were longer honestly.

Wow, comment virginity is mine? YAY!!! I'll gladly take it.

Now, let's start with the layout. You should credit the layout maker [Thylacine if I'm not mistaken] on your author's note or even better the summary because it's awesome and it fits the story perfectly.

On to the summary, you totally have to change that. You have to make it more interesting and add a mysterious yet serious air to it.

The preface of the first chapter is a nice way to strat describing this and explain to the readers what is going on.

The first part after the first divider shows how most divorces are and what the reactions of their kids (if they have) is.

The second part (gonna name every part after the dividers part one, two, three to make it less confusing) shows us how girls in highschool think. Gossips, rumors, the supposed to be friends... Totally realistic.

The third part, there always comes a time when we realize some people had to grow up and mature early thanks to their lives, what their young souls have been through. And I believe there always comes a time when you think who your real friends are.

On to the last part after the last divider, the reaction her male friend had when he said “Don’t worry; these things are a part of life, Sophie. There are worse things happening, you’ll be fine.” is like he's seen so much worse that what she had just said to him was nothing. And yes, it may come off as him being harsh but then if you thought about it you would see the reason why.

I don't think I would have thanked him though, I would have kept it to myself but that's different from character to character.

Most girls at that young age (highschool) fall for the bad guys or the complicated ones. I'm not sure why it's like that but that's what the statics show. I'm guilty of doing that myself.

I would have opened up to that guy myself and let him tell me his thoughts, talk about things that I'd never talk with others, important conversations with meaning.

Thinking if her parents ever loved each other was also one of the things, a child from a broken marriage would think.

Till here everything is totally realistic, 100% realistic. There is no doubt about it and my experience is talking.

The last long paragraph should be cut in two. After a conversation with the boy.....Nothing really had substance. should be another paragraph.

After the conversation she had with the boy, the explanations you give don't explain the situation though. I don't like that part.

After a conversation with the boy, she decided that love could be real and that her parents were fooled by words. It was so simple, she knew, to be fooled by such. But she was beginning to realize how shallow so many things were, how everything in high school, it seemed, was just words. Nothing really had substance. I believe this part should be re-worded and with more explanation.

Sophie decided that she would not end up like her parents, not fall into false love or false friendships. She vowed never to be fooled by just words.
This was a nice way to end it.

Overeall, I believe this is a great way to start this and I give you nine out of ten writing pens for this good piece of literature.

I don't know what to expect for the second chapter seeing as it stands as a oneshot as well, with the way it is written.

~Marian.