Paranoid - Comments

Mibbaween treat: Sorry for the late treat!
This was very well written! You have a real talent with your details, they seemed so real! Well done this was a good one shot :)

Perfect story for Halloween hehe. It's very good :)

The description in this is spot on! I can picture everything and I love that in stories. Not only that but reading this story gave me goosebumps. Great job!

This was brilliant! I got really happy when I noticed this was a vampire fic! :D

You definitely did a great job in the detailing and creating a creepy atmosphere in this. Zacky really creeped me out, but he had his instances where I found him seductive. (As all good vampires should be.)

"To drink the blood from your open wounds. To kill you, beautiful."

This, right here. That line just got to me. I have no idea why, but I just want to make a poster or something with that line written across it thanks to your one-shot. Although that would be slightly creepy to have those lines hanging around my bedroom walls. Teehee.

Anyways, once again, awesome job. This clearly deserved a rec from me, also. :D

Oh, my... this story and all of its creepiness just sucked me in. I mean that in the very best way possible too. The intensity and the description made it for me. Everything about Zacky screamed predator and that is actually what I like to see in a vampire fic, especially one as scary as this How he fed off her fear is realistic, and the fact that he took pleasure in the hunt.

A couple lines that really stood out for me and made it all that much creepier and therefore better

"My name's Zachary... what's yours, sugar?" It really caused a jolt in me while reading, through all of the creepiness he acted so seductive and almost normal. For me, this piece of dialogue was what enforced the mood.

"The tip of the blood-stained muscle slipped into her arteries, into her veins, traced the curves of her muscle as he feasted on her." Another great, gruesome description. The way it's described it paints such a horrid and vivid picture.... Zacky thinks about it and revels in it while in such a horrifying act. This is just an awesome, creepy piece; the kind that really gets a creeped-out reaction from readers. I love it.

Yeah. I just really dug this haha. After reading this, I'm definitely off to check out the rest of your stuff!

I liked this! It was definitely good for a Halloween story. Oh man though, this was so intense and kind of scary for me. Like, good though. I loved the description. This was so interesting to read!

That was intense :o I really loved how detailed you made it. I always say that if I can picture something in my mind while reading it than it's damn well written and this was one of those times. I love it. Very good darling.

Okay, this was gross and scary in a good way. Your description and details are on point in every paragraph. The ending with him decapitating her with her eyes still open was just eerie. Haha, great Halloween contest entry!

Holy shit!

The way you wrote him slicing and dicing her could almost be erotic haha. You included all of the staples for a good Halloween story, blood, gore and a freaky dude! XD You're getting better at the whole detail thing too :D It's intense, creepy, and so good!

He could smell the salt of her perspiration as her anxiety increased. Really good!

Unknowingly, she'd lured him in like a siren would a sailor. She was a temptress at best. Oh, if only she knew!

Her eyes still were open, permanently etched with the murderous expression of Zachary Baker. I like that!

Good job! :D

Wickedly awesome. I love this. It did seem like he wasted a lot of blood though. Either way, you just gave all of the other contestants a hard run for their money. I'm a sucker for Zacky, so I think I enjoyed this just a bit more because it was him. Great job.

Wow! That was gruesome and gory but extremely well written. Great Halloween material.