Deceitful - Comments

Oh I like it and I never read original fiction

This is really good. I don't normally read original fiction. But this is really great! I love this!

This is really good muffin!

I don't normally read original fiction either, I dot know why, I just can't get into it unless it's a topic I'm interested in. But I really like this, the father sounds like a complete bastard, bringing home some strange woman in front of their mother too! Ugh, what a c-word!

I hope you do find some inspiration and continue with it :)

Wow. Just. Wow.
Seriously, this is one of the first Original Fiction pieces I have ever read and oh my god, it reads just like a novel. Seriously, you have improved so much since your previous writing style; you're so much more articulate with your choice of phrasing and your words, you can paint such an amazing picture with just a handful of phrases. It's beautiful, for such a short piece. The fear is very real. Well done!

i really liked reading this. the writing style is different - first person, with an anonymous "she". that's something i like to use in my writing sometimes. the description is unique and careful - almost as if the narrator is worried about being caught telling her story. i watched a film in my head as i read this - that means it's detailed enough to play a video. well-written and concise, just how i like them.

on an unrelated note, happy nearly-hallowe'en!
-james