Mind Mischief - Comments

Hello! I'm here to judge for the obscure song contest (revival!)

I really liked this piece. I liked how well it connected to tame impala's song mind mischief, the way you depicted a boy who just couldn't give up on a girl who does nothing but get from him and never gives in return. That was very much reflected in the song and I'm impressed by how well you've translated it into the story. Though it featured no dialogue and was told in a storytelling way, the way you've characterised Abi and Charlie was very well done. I felt like I got a strong sense of Chris and Abi's very different, very opposite types of characters. Your writing is easy to read and flows well, and the pacing was done just right. I didn't feel like it moved too fast or too slow at any given point. The ending threw me off - I was expecting a change on Charlie's behalf but surprisingly it was Abi who changed, even though she still f'd Chris. It kind of felt like Chris was going through the motions of living his life but he didn't know what he was doing, if that makes sense? The sense I get at the end tells me that Abi has changed, considering she never bothers him again, but it does make me wonder if she had truly changed or she slept with Charlie to prove she still 'had it', y'know?

Regardless, I loved this piece and thought you did a great job. Thank you for entering!

@ Elephant PJs
Oh you (X

Wow. This story is so damn good! I couldn't find a flaw if I tried, and there is nothing I don't love about it.

Your style is flawless here; the descriptions are so seamless and your vocabulary is stunning. It's very poetic - blunt and beautiful.

The characters are so well developed just through their actions, which is how all writers should write them. All their imperfections are so real and frustrating and endearing. I can't bring myself to hate Abi even though she does some things I find irredeemable. She's pretty honest about who she is, and I really like that. I don't know how you've done it, but you've made a difficult character so lovable - and in a one-shot too.

The ending was absolutely perfect. At the beginning I thought that this story would primarily be about Charlie, but this is so much more about Abi. I feel like she has actually grown through this relationship, and Charlie is simply going to live a life he doesn't even like because it's easy.

I really don't understand how more people haven't read this! My god, I'm going to rec this so hard This is simply glorious and you should be very proud.