You Don't Know This - Comments

1/1

I love the repetition of you don't know this. Right off of the bat, that pulls me into the story and keeps me reading. It's almost as if this is a dredge of thoughts, all pouring out at the one time and without any barriers or form of sorting them out on the horizon. Everything seems really raw and horrible and...yeah. It's all a little overwhelming, which is really impressive considering this is only a drabble. It's like a massive big confessional letter to someone and I think that it really is so heartfelt and if this were to make it's way to the person it was intended for, I think it would be a sweet gesture.

Concrit

Again, I have none. The only thing that irked me slightly was the ellipses in the final line. I think it could be changed to a semicolon or something else, but it isn't an error as it is just now, I just really dislike ellipses in sentences.

Overall

You've got a really good style that includes writing in so many emotions and I think you've showed that really well throughout this drabble. Good job!

This is so easy to relate to and I love the repetition. It's a really good piece

First of all, you have to space this to paragraphs. It's too much like that hun.

Other than that, this was totally realistic and heartbreaking. I just don't know what else to say about this cause its drenched in emotion.

You did a good job.

~Marian.

The repetition of the phrase "you don't know this... It's something that I really love in stories, especially in drabbles. But anyway, I really loved reading this drabble. I loved the, well, desperation in this drabble. Well, I don't know if I could call it that but that's the word that I can think of right now. Something else that I like about this is that it's all in one paragraph, which some people might not like. I like it because it just seems to flow together that way; I just love it.

Even though there wasn't much description about the main character and the guy, I could just picture the two, and I could also picture what the main character was doing while thinking those thoughts. I think that's cool that you could do that without giving much away. Amazing work.