Lover of the Light - Comments

Hey! Okay, so I only read the first couple of chapters One Direction fics aren't really my thing...

From the beginning I could tell that this story has a lot of potential, I like the fact that you've given Charlie a passion and that it's her sister who is the big fan rather than her.

As for content it's good, but I do feel like you could give your readers more, told them why she wasn't a fan, even what her parents do for a living to be away so much and have such a big house.

I'm not a grammar expert but I didn't come across anything that stopped me reading or had me retracing the paragraph to try and get an understanding of it.

Like I said this story has potential, but maybe adding in some extra details just to solidify the chapters would give it that little extra something.

So I read two and a half chapters and while I love my a 1D fic, this just seems like you're pushing the two of them together and running wild with it.

In the beginning of chapter two it would have been nice to know a little of what they talked about, other than just the "anything and everything" that you give us. Give us more details there, and their relationship will have more ground to stand on.

Also to note, it just seems a bit ridiculous to me that not only did they not book a hotel room(s) ahead of time, but that Charlie would just invite them to come crash with her for a week after only having talked to them for such a short while.

Moving on into chapter three it's a lot of just Charlie having dialogue, not to say no one else has any, but the majority of it seems to be coming from her, which doesn't pan out well with building the relationships between her and the guys.

Not only that, and this is where I honestly stopped reading, you have her just going from hanging out, to deciding that they should go swimming. What about showing them to their rooms, or giving them some sort of tour, maybe letting them settle in a bit?

I don't say all this to be harsh, because honestly this has a lot of potential, and you are a good writer, I just think maybe you're juggling a few too many characters and are a bit out of your depth. That's just my opinion though and I wish you luck with the rest of the story.

First off, I want to say that I absolutely love your layout. It's simple, but beautiful and doesn't take away from the story which I really appreciate. Second, your summary captured me well enough, which is definitely something I look for in a story, so kudos on that as well!

Chapter One
Steph sounds super adorable! Charlie is a total sweetheart and I absolutely adore how she takes care of Steph. What a good sister.

I think the chapter went by super fast, which was something I wasn't a huge fan of. I would've liked to have seen a little buildup, especially due to the fact that Charlie wasn't a fan of the band, I don't think she would have been so smitten so quickly by Louis.

For the most part your grammar is wonderful, however you do have misplaced commas which distracted me and made my attention drift away from the story in some places.

All-in-all, I think this story has a lot of potential. Good luck!

@ charity_hope
I fixed the wall of text...

It must of did that when I Bluetoothed it from one phone to the other

YEAY!! YOU UPDATED!!

Awww!! Liam is soooooooooooooooo SWEET!!!

One thing, though. I think you forgot to paragraph the whole chapter and I felt like I was reading a wall of text and it kinda hurt my eyes.

Other than that, I love the update! And I hope Louis will feel better soon and stop being so distant towards Charlie.

And I was wondering whether Louis had really broken things up with Eleanor. Or maybe he thought that it's over but Eleanor didn't. Either way, I can't wait for more!!

YES! I'd read all the chapters in one seating. *pats own's back* I feel proud of myself.

This is sooo good! I think Louis is gonna break up with Eleanor, right? Right?

Ah!! The naked Harry pic! Well, almost naked but still.

"Now I have to go see if Rapunzel will let her hair down.". CHARMING LOUIS IS CHARMING

But that was really sad and touching to see the way Louis comforts her. :( But why is he going away???

I'd only read the first chapter so far. Seriously, I need to learn to keep my focus. It's all over the place!

AND A LOUIS'S STORY!!! WOOT WOOTT!!!

I'll get back to this story some time later. But.... so far, I'm liking what I read.

Yay<3 That was great, them going to London makes me happy. I'm glad both girls are going!

Loved it!<3

Oh my gosh that was so sad it was so sweet how Lou tried to comfort her though

First off, love the Harry and Kelsey stuff. Secondly, what the hell, you just killed off her sister, like anhhhh whattt, I'm so heartbroken.

First off, love the Harry and Kelsey stuff. Secondly, what the hell, you just killed off her sister, like anhhhh whattt, I'm so heartbroken.

Found time to read 2! Great job girl!