I’m actually very interested in this story for a few different reasons. One being that it’s implied in the prologue that Spencer has no idea where Lydia has gone and pair that with the summary, it means that for two years, no one even told him—like not even her parents. (Though, side note and I’m not sure if it’s an error or not since the timeline hasn’t caught up to it, but the summary says Lydia moved across the country but in the story itself, she’s on her way to New York from North Carolina. So I’m curious if Lydia actually ended up out in California or something?)
I actually feel bad for Spencer because the way Lydia broke up with him and didn’t even tell him is kind of shady honestly, but he’s still in love with her. The worst part is reading all of Lydia’s narrative in those two chapters knowing that she’s going to back out and take the coward way out. To be honest, it makes it where I don’t much like Lydia. What she ends up doing is actually a bit selfish. I get wanting to go somewhere else and I say good on her for breaking out of the mold everyone else made for her, but breaking up with your boyfriend over text and just leaving without telling him why at all and disappearing for two years is shady and selfish. I really hope that when Lydia comes back to North Carolina (which is what I think happens based on the summary?), she’ll make amends and redeem herself because as it is, I think Spencer deserves better.
As for critique, you do have a tendency for run-on sentences (which turn into large, daunting paragraphs), and some oddly placed grammar or a lack thereof, though. There were a couple of points where I had to reread a sentence or even a whole paragraph because it didn’t sink in. One entire thought process would be so long-winded that I’d lose my grip on what it was even about in the first place, if that even makes sense. The narrative felt like someone talking too fast and running out of breath both because the sentences would be so long and there would be a few points where a comma was needed. My best recommendation for a solution to this is to read your stuff out loud and write what feels natural. If there’s a small pause, add a comma and if there’s a full stop, add a period. So on and so forth. Nothing that isn’t easily fixed.
Other than that, I thought this was a really good start to a really curious story. I would love to see how Spencer and Lydia both develop separately in the aftermath, and how their relationship develops after a crappy break-up and two years apart. I feel like they’re going to be two very different people after that and I’m really interested in how they cope with that. So all in all, good job!
I’m actually very interested in this story for a few different reasons. One being that it’s implied in the prologue that Spencer has no idea where Lydia has gone and pair that with the summary, it means that for two years, no one even told him—like not even her parents. (Though, side note and I’m not sure if it’s an error or not since the timeline hasn’t caught up to it, but the summary says Lydia moved across the country but in the story itself, she’s on her way to New York from North Carolina. So I’m curious if Lydia actually ended up out in California or something?)
I actually feel bad for Spencer because the way Lydia broke up with him and didn’t even tell him is kind of shady honestly, but he’s still in love with her. The worst part is reading all of Lydia’s narrative in those two chapters knowing that she’s going to back out and take the coward way out. To be honest, it makes it where I don’t much like Lydia. What she ends up doing is actually a bit selfish. I get wanting to go somewhere else and I say good on her for breaking out of the mold everyone else made for her, but breaking up with your boyfriend over text and just leaving without telling him why at all and disappearing for two years is shady and selfish. I really hope that when Lydia comes back to North Carolina (which is what I think happens based on the summary?), she’ll make amends and redeem herself because as it is, I think Spencer deserves better.
As for critique, you do have a tendency for run-on sentences (which turn into large, daunting paragraphs), and some oddly placed grammar or a lack thereof, though. There were a couple of points where I had to reread a sentence or even a whole paragraph because it didn’t sink in. One entire thought process would be so long-winded that I’d lose my grip on what it was even about in the first place, if that even makes sense. The narrative felt like someone talking too fast and running out of breath both because the sentences would be so long and there would be a few points where a comma was needed. My best recommendation for a solution to this is to read your stuff out loud and write what feels natural. If there’s a small pause, add a comma and if there’s a full stop, add a period. So on and so forth. Nothing that isn’t easily fixed.
Other than that, I thought this was a really good start to a really curious story. I would love to see how Spencer and Lydia both develop separately in the aftermath, and how their relationship develops after a crappy break-up and two years apart. I feel like they’re going to be two very different people after that and I’m really interested in how they cope with that. So all in all, good job!