My dear friend Rayne, first of all kudos for the layout. It's simple and it fits the story perfectly.
As for the summary, I suggest taking off the notes posted in the summary and posting them at the author's note of the first chapter because you can get reported for that, and post the short description of the story as the summary which was ''I didn't know it would be my last night...''
On to the actual chapter, you have to space up your paragraphs and edit it a bit, but nothing too major so do not worry. I like the way this was written in second person.
“Prey and predator,” You hissed in my ear when you pushed me into a tree at the beginning of the woods. “Run, prey, run!” Those words were punctuated by a maniacal laughter. I didn’t even have time to feel the chill run down my spine before my instincts took over listening to your command. I ran. I adore this part. The words he said give the feeling this was a game to him.
But you did. You knew this moment was coming. You waited for the perfect time, when I would be most valuable to you. To the point where I had already fallen for you so hard I wouldn’t notice the dark glint in your eyes.This is another part which makes a great impact on the reader. Well done!
Every nightmare awake into reality. The last thing I ever hear was a dark whisper of your voice in my ear. “I found you. Game over.” Can I say the way you ended this was perfection? The last words he said tie with the story's title and it's a perfect match.
Good job in writing this. Seems like I'm not the only one who has a talent with drabbles.
first of all kudos for the layout. It's simple and it fits the story perfectly.
As for the summary, I suggest taking off the notes posted in the summary and posting them at the author's note of the first chapter because you can get reported for that, and post the short description of the story as the summary which was ''I didn't know it would be my last night...''
On to the actual chapter,
you have to space up your paragraphs and edit it a bit, but nothing too major so do not worry. I like the way this was written in second person.
“Prey and predator,” You hissed in my ear when you pushed me into a tree at the beginning of the woods. “Run, prey, run!” Those words were punctuated by a maniacal laughter. I didn’t even have time to feel the chill run down my spine before my instincts took over listening to your command. I ran. I adore this part. The words he said give the feeling this was a game to him.
But you did. You knew this moment was coming. You waited for the perfect time, when I would be most valuable to you. To the point where I had already fallen for you so hard I wouldn’t notice the dark glint in your eyes.This is another part which makes a great impact on the reader. Well done!
Every nightmare awake into reality. The last thing I ever hear was a dark whisper of your voice in my ear. “I found you. Game over.”
Can I say the way you ended this was perfection? The last words he said tie with the story's title and it's a perfect match.
Good job in writing this. Seems like I'm not the only one who has a talent with drabbles.
~Marian.