To Write Love On His Arms - Comments

Here leaving a very very late comment from my Make Me Laugh, Cry or Sit on the Edge of My Seat contest. Apologies for being so tardy!

One quick thing I want to point out before I continue with the comment -- in the title, on should be in lowercase in order to follow Mibba's story rules and guidelines.

Layout / Summary

The content box and the banner image are slightly offset, and I actually really like that. It's a very small thing, but it's quite pleasing to the eye. The summary gives away just enough to get somebody interested, but doesn't give away too much about the story itself. It's definitely a good hook into the story.

Content

I can definitely empathise with Austin in the first few paragraphs -- I hate hospitals, and the way you've described it does really well in capturing my thoughts when I'm in a hospital. It adds this bit of realism into the story from the very beginning, and also pulls me right into that setting with ease. I can definitely imagine being in Austin's place.

The procedure itself is an interesting one to think about. I don't know if it does happen in real life, but the whole aspect of someone giving up a perfectly healthy heart for someone else is just astounding to think about. It's a really selfless act and you can definitely tell that Austin understands and appreciates that. From the conflict he has between meeting Matty for the first time to the way that we see him fall in love, it's really an interesting thought, to know that Matty was literally and figuratively looking to give up his heart for Austin. I love that they both ended up getting married -- it's almost metaphorical, the way that Matty was going to give his heart to Austin literally, and then he didn't do that but he did end up giving him his heart in a figurative sense. It's really lovely.

And the end, wow. I was kinda thinking that something was going to go wrong with Austin's heart condition after reading through, and then having Matty literally give up his heart was horrible. I find it very fitting that, at the end, Austin was back with Matty. It's a very sweet sentiment.

Concrit

I noticed a couple of errors whilst reading through:

Even though he was been in and out -- was should be had

since the thought of the one he has right now worries him -- to keep in with the tense of the piece, has and worries should be had and worried

today would be the day the twenty six year old will meet his heart donor -- again, to keep in with tense, will should be would.

the thought of meeting someone who is willing -- again, tense. is should be was.

Overall

There were a few issues with tense throughout, but aside from that, this was a heart-wrenching read! I wasn't expecting the ending, and you've written the characters well. Nice job!

This story was so beautiful! You did an amazing job!

HOW WAS I ABLE TO PREDICT THAT I WAS GOING TO BE IN TEARS OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY I AM GOING TO SCREAM.

It was so perfect, though, the ending was sweet and I couldn't help but cheer, but the whole everything else of the chapter had me swimming in my own tears of despair, oh my goodness. THE WHOLE HOSPITAL MOMENT I WAS CHOKING DEAR GOD THAT HURT. THAT HURT A WHOLE HELLUVA LOT. OW.

But it was absolutely wonderful and I loved reading and I'm so happy you won first place in your contest, but how could you not, this was awesome. <3333

Excuse me while I bawl my eyes out....

Okay, so obviously this chapter was emotionally charged and wow was it beautiful! I'm so glad you made it a happy ending though! :)

I'm in tears at the moment :') I'm so glad there was a happy ending. I adore your writing and I look forward to more stories :)

TWLOHA DO WE HAVE A 5 SOS FAN

My heart hurts. That was absolutely beautiful.

I'm kinda of obsessed with this story o.o Please update soon! :)

I'm in tears right now. Matthew can't give up his heart for Aus. It'll ruin the whole romance they have going on! His doctor needs to back off and let it be. Austin's happy and in love for Gods' sake! I'm so excited for the next chapter!

I feel like I'm gonna be crying by the second chapter, I really do, and it's gonna be tears flooding my home and oh gosh I'm not ready but also I am and also I LOVE THIS I NEED MORE.

I love Matty and his artisticness, he's so adorable and Austin's so sweet and they're so cute together and Gielle was okay with this and she wasn't a bitch. We have the other bitch, but hey, I hope her heels broke on the way home and she fell down a manhole oops.

AND THAT DOCTOR, BR. THE ONE REPLACING DR. VINCENT. NO. GTFO. I HATE YOU AND YOUR NASTY ATTITUDE.

(this is really really good yesss.)

Oh my god this amazing!! I love when people make up other characters and Matty is perfect dude! Wow x