Grey - Comments

The way you opened this story is so intense. I feel so sorry for Lena. It's really sad for that to happened to her. This is one of those stories where I hope that the character gets over what has happened to them. You are such a wonderful writer that I don't expect anything less than amazing coming from you.

I'm here to comment on this from the contest

layout
- Layouts are always the first thing I notice about a story and usually is what I use to determine whether or not I read it (I know that's kinda shallow and rude, but for some reason, that's what I do).

I love the layout for this. I love the picture. I love the font and the background. So for that, you get 10/10.

summary
- I always look for a catchy summary. Something that will immediately draw me in. I am so glad you including the lyrics in the summary; also, thank you for linking back to the contest

However, I wish there would have been an excerpt/a sentence from the story in the summary.
9/10

the story
- The first sentence caught my eye immediately. And this:

’When you are in pain because of me, when you cry, when the night are too dark for you…that’s when I am happy.’’

That is so dark, so terrifying, and so ruthless. I love it. It really sets the mood for the story.

I wanted to burn the skin he had violated, I wanted to be clean, pure again, and it was driving me crazy that I knew that wasn’t possible.

This is such a powerful line. It really shows how the character feels, how hurt she is. It is a marvelous sentence.

I am rather pleased with how this turned out. It's really amazing and you did a very good job. I did see a few spelling/grammar mistakes, nothing that's too major. Mistakes happen.

I didn't expect this to take the turn it did; it wasn't really until I got about halfway through that I saw how the song related. I'm very pleased and very glad that you've gotten first place.

OH wow! This was amazing. Not gonna lie, at first I thought it was going to be smut haha. The first sentence really makes you want to keep reading, i'll give you that. As I kept reading my heart just slowly broke. You write Lena's emotions so well. Her fear and her pain, I can feel it all and I loved every second of it.

"I cried hard and scratched at my skin furiously, feeling it sting in irritation but I still kept scratching hoping for the skin to finally come off so I could feel clean." Honestly an amazing sentence. So powerful.

Also I really like how she's safe end the end but you can still feel how much he fucked her up.Very realistic. I get the sense that her story and recovery are far from over. I wish I knew more about her and her sister's relationship a little though. I wish it was longer but it's kind of perfect like this.

Great Job!

I definitely agree with the comments below, I wasn't expecting this to be as hard-hitting as it was! You've simply drenched the words in emotion and I really genuinely feel for Lena and all she went through. I love how realistic this is as well. So many abuse stories that I've read have the victim worried for the tiniest while and then all of a sudden they've forgotten. The fact that Lena has that nightmare and does mention that she doesn't think it's ever going to go away is a really nice touch, it does make everything more real and in extension, makes the entire thing all the more powerful.

I only really noticed two things grammar-wise:

I clenched my teeth as I got up while feeling like a million needles are piercing my skin - are should be were here to keep in with the tense.

Thinking about everything he had done to me was turning me to a problematic person - to should be into.

Aside from that, everything was really good. Great job!

Oh wow, yeah I didn't expect that. The emotion was raw and everything was so realistic, holy moley. Can you not take me by surprise like that? This was really well written, I felt like I was three and it kind of shock me at my core. Nice work!

I enjoyed reading this. You really did capture all of her pain and fear. A really emotional story. Xx

Literally my reaction to the first sentence was 'OH! okay then hahaa' I was not expecting that. For a rapist asshole he's oddly poetic. I really like the metaphor "my future was slowly turning to white, like the purity of an innocent baby's soul'. Kind of like she's being reborn again. Very nice comparison to a new beginning.

I'm curious to know how she fought back. Like I love the premise of this story and how she's free but it still haunts her because that's incredibly realistic and I cannot tell you how relatable it is. But I would really love to know how she was finally able to fight back after what seems like years of just taking it.

Also, I totally was thinking of Mortal Kombat when you said the sister's name was Milena and the announcer on that game's voice rang through my head "MELEEEEENA." buahaha.

Literally my reaction to the first sentence was 'OH! okay then hahaa' I was not expecting that. For a rapist asshole he's oddly poetic. I really like the metaphor "my future was slowly turning to white, like the purity of an innocent baby's soul'. Kind of like she's being reborn again. Very nice comparison to a new beginning.

I'm curious to know how she fought back. Like I love the premise of this story and how she's free but it still haunts her because that's incredibly realistic and I cannot tell you how relatable it is. But I would really love to know how she was finally able to fight back after what seems like years of just taking it.

Also, I totally was thinking of Mortal Kombat when you said the sister's name was Milena and the announcer on that game's voice rang through my head "MELEEEEENA." buahaha.