Lover - Comments

I like how smooth this reads. A lot of stories that have the narrator "talking to" a person can read kind of clunky, but this isn't like that at all. I also like where it went. At the very beginning I wouldn't have expected the ending. But everything comes together slowly and completely, and that's awesome.

@ Snow.White.Queen.

Thank you :)

I didn't realize there's so many grammar errors, I'll be sure to edit that. And I'm sorry you were looking for the band Bullet for My Valentine, I wasn't thinking straight when I tagged that. >.>

Well firstly, I always start my comments by saying something about the layout, and in your case I quite like it. It's simple, yet I'm definitely a fan of dark and deep colors like the ones that you have chosen to use, so I like it. I only found this story because you tagged it with 'Bullet For My Valentine', and I think you should make it a little clearer that they don't actually feature in this story.
I found multiple mistakes grammatically during the time I was reading this. I'm only going to highlight one of these mistakes as I really can't be bothered finding every singe one, but I remember finding some near the end of the story ad in the middle too, sentences that just didn't sound correct, flow properly or had repetition on a particular word, like so:
''waking up at that exactly that time'' Now as you can see you have used the word 'that' twice in the one sentence and it does not sound well to me. You could either do this, ''waking up at exactly that time.'' or this, ''waking up at that, exactly that time.''
They're just simple things that could dramatically improve this story. But I feel like I've been very harsh to you in this comment, I very much enjoyed your story, it has a nice plot and is written well. Good work her, love. :)