Fire and Ice - Comments

OK, sorry it took so long to provide any feedback, I'm officially the worst ever person to hold a writing contest in history. That being said, I really liked this. The idea was so unique and the writing was so easy to read and you wrote about someone no one really writes about which is always nice to read.

It's hard to give in-depth kind of criticism on something you really like, but I'll try anyway. OK, first off, I can't say enough how creative the plot was. So cool. Your writing is great, too. Not many spelling or grammatical errors.

There was really only one thing I had problems with and that was the constant change of POV in the fourth chapter. You went from Jess' POV to Jamie's and then back to Jess' and it was a little confusing, especially when Jamie was drowning and Jess was freaking out. I think when you're going to share two different POVs you need to be good about separating them, like with page dividers or what not, which can look choppy when you write just a few paragraphs in one POV then switch to the next. So usually (I think) it looks better to either have one POV or separate different POVs by splitting them into chapters.

Other than that, the story was great. I do wish I had found out what Whitney's power was, though. Thanks so much for entering and sorry again it took so long to get back to you!

@ Thatmom
Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing this one.

This story was amazing!!!!

@ dribblestheturtle
Thank you, I'm so glad you like it!

Wow, I already love this. Probably has to do with the fact that I'm a sucker for everything hockey, including the undeflatable ego of hockey players. I just know a few too many to still fall for their charm.

Anyways, I'm really thrilled for the next few chapters.