The Promise - Comments

I’m here as the new host for ‘Same Love Contest’.

The concept of this was really interesting. I love the idea of polar opposites coming together because it really embodies that whole “opposites attract” and ice/fire isn’t an unpopular comparison for such a relationship. The fact that you actually personified ice and fire was really intriguing because I don’t think I’ve seen that done before. It was always more so metaphorically than literally. You created a really nice dynamic between the two characters so it clearly showed that they had years of history together, and had spent a long time pining after each other. That was really nice.

I did think their names were a bit… much. I feel like maybe you could have found more realistic names that meant fire and frost, rather than actually naming them that. It seemed so absurd at first that I was taken aback. I was amused that Fyre was actually the definition of ‘popular kid’ and Frost was this shy, quiet one. I’m not quite sure how telling someone “even though I was popular and you were a nerd in high school, I still wanted you” is romantic, but it’s the thought that counts.

You tend to use the same adjectives paired with ‘male’ a lot, though. Every time you did it after the first couple of times, you would lose a little more flow because it was repetitive and distracting. You referred to them both as ‘older/younger [male]’ a lot. I considered counting towards the end because it was starting to really stand out like a sore thumb. I definitely think you could have used a better variety of descriptions and adjectives to differentiate between the two. I know it can be kind of difficult when you’re writing about the same sex in third person, but because of that, the littlest of things stand out and start to become monotonous.

Also, I’m aware of the whole ‘aesthetic’ thing you were going for with one paragraph in between the lyrics, but the fact that you mashed all the lines of dialogue (especially when both boys were talking) into one paragraph also diverted me away from the story. It got confusing at a few points because I had to force myself to read it kind of vaguely until I knew who was actually talking. I was really sidetracked because of it so I’d have to reread some parts, which also took something away for me.

So overall, I think you created something very interesting and unique. It’d be fascinating to see how their relationship develops, especially with Frost’s anxiety that Fyre may or may not hurt him.

@ AJM1
Thank you very much, I tried my best.

Love the layout (fire and ice) and your two characters. Opposites attract. =)
I especially liked their descriptions, literally fire (Fyre) and ice (Frost), and how you showed their vulnerablility. I love In This Moment and the words to this song was a great accompanyment to the story.

@ sindie synclayre
Thank you.
Also, I was only into one album by In This Moment and I didn't realize they had others. ^^; When I first heard this song, I knew I had to write something for it.

This was incredibly amazing.
And that's my favorite song.